Category: News Shorts

Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death
Music · Science

Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death

Ed.

GENEVA–Physicists around the world looked at TV screens absorbing the news; there has been a long held belief that the easy questions were answered, that there was nothing obvious left and that all the new physics was full of theory and massive super colliders. However, astrophysicists were shaken to the ground when the news was… Continue reading Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death

a hot person LGBTQ Community’s Preemptive Request: LEAVE CARA ALONE!
Celebrities · Fashion · Music · Pop Culture

LGBTQ Community’s Preemptive Request: LEAVE CARA ALONE!

Alex Seligsohn

You know Cara Cunningham. You love her. You may remember her from the cinematic masterpiece “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE.” Well, Cara came out as trans and has begun her transition, and we couldn’t be happier for her! While coming out as trans is a huge accomplishment, and should be a moment of pride, we also know… Continue reading LGBTQ Community’s Preemptive Request: LEAVE CARA ALONE!

Tensions Ease as Bisexual Woman’s Boyfriend is Confirmed Trans
News Shorts

Tensions Ease as Bisexual Woman’s Boyfriend is Confirmed Trans

Kate Canter

COOPER HILLS, CA–Citizens of Cooper Hills California can rest easy tonight as sources confirm their resident bisexual remains sufficiently queer by dating a trans man. The controversy began when local bisexual, Kirsten Cho, was seen holding hands with what appeared to be a white het cis male Thursday afternoon. When questioned, Cho identified the man… Continue reading Tensions Ease as Bisexual Woman’s Boyfriend is Confirmed Trans

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.
News Shorts · Science

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

Ed.

TARRE HAUTE, IN–Announcing a major breakthrough, a team of leading researchers at Indiana State University made waves as they stood in front of the collected faculty. They determined that a woman on the internet knows she is fat. The woman, who they identified as only Patient Mae, is overweight and knows it. “It was a… Continue reading Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him
News Shorts · Sports

Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him

Ed.

JACKSONVILLE, FL–Floundering in his single preseason game appearance, the former quarterback turned broadcaster turned baseball player turned some-other-position-on-a-football-team, Tim Tebow has been released by the Jacksonville Jaguars. When interviewed about his supposed favorite football player, God suggested that maybe Tebow should have taken the hint a few years back. “You see, I don’t pay much… Continue reading Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him

Teacher quits rather than call trans students by their names; Students say “Good”
Education · News Shorts · Uncategorized

Teacher quits rather than call trans students by their names; Students say “Good”

Josh

LOUDON COUNTY, VA- Teacher Laura Morris made headlines recently when she dramatically quit rather than refer to trans students by their true names. While sobbing, she quoted her “believe in Christ” as justification for misgendering students, and railed against the schools for not letting her be sufficiently transphobic. As for her students, they’re overwhelmingly approving… Continue reading Teacher quits rather than call trans students by their names; Students say “Good”

a gay soccer ball BREAKING: Queer Community Forms Sovereign Nation, Plans to Compete in 2024 Olympics
Fashion · Pop Culture · Sports

BREAKING: Queer Community Forms Sovereign Nation, Plans to Compete in 2024 Olympics

Alex Seligsohn

CITY NAME TBD, COUNTRY NAME TBD – Despite a very-much-active pandemic still raging, the worlds’ top athletes came together in Tokyo for the Olympic Games, which ended Sunday. The event proved to be a successful two weeks for the LGBTQ community! The news was filled with headlines highlighting the accomplishments of the queer community –… Continue reading BREAKING: Queer Community Forms Sovereign Nation, Plans to Compete in 2024 Olympics

Cis Man Says Things About Trans Women
News Shorts · Opinion

Cis Man Says Things About Trans Women

Ed.

EUGENE, OR–Franklin Witt, 28, of Eugene, Oregon, has opinions about transgender women. And he is not afraid to say it. “Those trans activists have really gotten my suspenders twisted this time,” he says, looking up under the brim of his hat. “They are too loud and obnoxious. These men want to pee in women’s restrooms,… Continue reading Cis Man Says Things About Trans Women

Paranormal Experts Agree: Sharp Rise in Ghosts Shouting “Freedom!”
Paranormal

Paranormal Experts Agree: Sharp Rise in Ghosts Shouting “Freedom!”

Josh

SALEM, MA- Ghost hunters around the country are all reporting a curious phenomena. Not only are hauntings up dramatically, but over the last year, there has been a sharp rise in hauntings where the ghosts involved would shout “Freedom”.  A cause for this is still being investigated. “Well, it started just as soon as my… Continue reading Paranormal Experts Agree: Sharp Rise in Ghosts Shouting “Freedom!”