MEMPHIS, TN– Terry McKinnon, local wine mom and Instagram user, has filed a suit against her parents for 42 years ago vaccinating her against measles, polio, and a host of other diseases commonly vaccinated against as a child. “I mean, I love my parents, but I can’t let this slide!” Says McKinnon, while rearranging her… Continue reading Anti-Vaxxer Sues Parents for Vaccinating Her Against Polio As a Child
STERLING, IL– Local lawyer and CNN junkie Laura Ashland is in a state of confusion. After days of the news hyping up a possible confrontation between the US and Russia over Ukraine, the topic has been seemingly completely dropped in favor of Justice Breyer’s impending retirement. “We’ve had days, DAYS, of being told Russia is… Continue reading Wait, Are We Going to War With Russia Or Not?
Some cisgender people are being diagnosed with what some professionals are calling Conscription Onset Gender Disorder, or COGD
SEATTLE, WA- The right wing theory of the trans agenda, a supposed plan beginning with trans acceptance and leading to various catastrophic social consequences, has been dealt a fatal blow by the discovery of Emily Jones, a trans woman with absolutely no plans whatsoever. “I mean, I prefer to take things one day at a… Continue reading Trans Agenda Disproved: Local Trans Woman Has No Plans About Anything Whatsoever
Tucker Carlson’s fury of the androgynous redesign of the Brown and Green M&M’s reportedly goes deeper than his normal performative rage, leading into a revealing look of the twisted chocolate-induced sex practices of the Fox News host.
TULSA, OK–Local trans guy Matt Theman laments the Omicron surge in his area and around the world as only he can. “Of course it’s awful, and needs to end, if for no other reason but that I need to have top surgery.” “Like, when ever I see idiots without masks, I want to scream at… Continue reading Covid Needs to End So I Can Finally Get My Tits Removed
Local femme Leslie Kipling is having trouble meeting women. Her matches on dating apps don’t usually flourish beyond a few text exchanges, Covid concerns keep Leslie out of gay bars, and she can’t seem to attract other queer women in the wild because, as she’s been told, she doesn’t “look gay.” To combat this issue… Continue reading Aspiring Lesbian Actor Wants “Gay Haircut”; Can’t Afford New Headshots
JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING — Joan Horowitz woke up the morning of January 7th like she did every other morning before that one. She opened her eyes, turned off her alarm, and, squinting from the sun in the windows, rolled over to greet her furry little friends. What she saw would change the world forever. Joan’s… Continue reading Local Woman “Literally Dead” After Witnessing Cats Being Cute.
AMES, IA– Local queer person Lynx Harris recently discovered the term “Aegosexual”, and immediately connected with it. The term, which refers to people on the asexual spectrum who have a disconnect with the object of sexual attraction and themselves, happens to describe perfectly what Lynx has been unable to express in their life, but is… Continue reading Queer Person Tired of Having More Stuff to Come Out As
LOS ANGELES, CA– “A person who identifies as a woman despite their chromosomes or genital configuration,” is a Jeopardy question that has stumped many transphobes, who are just proving they would be absolutely crushed if they had to go against current Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider. Schneider, who recently became the first woman to break $1,000,000… Continue reading “What is a woman?” And Other Jeopardy Questions Transphobes Can’t Answer
