News Shorts · Science

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

TARRE HAUTE, IN–Announcing a major breakthrough, a team of leading researchers at Indiana State University made waves as they stood in front of the collected faculty. They determined that a woman on the internet knows she is fat. The woman, who they identified as only Patient Mae, is overweight and knows it.

“It was a lot of hard work and scientific insights aimed squarely at this problem.” Dr. Carl Walters said to the packed crowd. “We looked at her social media history, her medical history, previous social media posts referring to her, and conducted interviews with her, her spouse, her parents, and other assorted friends, family, and co-workers. Through this, we determined two fact: the woman is fat and, most surprisingly of all, she knows that fact.”

The findings have a possibility in the growing Troll Studies department, of which Walters leads. “This kind of finding will allow future people interested in Trolling to understand that certain characteristics, may, in fact, already be known to the target. I took this kind of insight from my previous career in Public Relations, and it seems to follow quite well.

Patient Mae, who spoke via telephone, said of the team, “Who are you? Who is this doctor? What the hell is he talking about? Yes I’m fat!”

There will be more as this story develops.