LOUDON COUNTY, VA–A teacher who publicly claims to worship El Eyo, The Most High, Adonai, The Holy Spirit, The Trinity of the Divine dramatically quit her job in front of her local school board to protest an updated LGBT+ policy that asks for trans pupils to be called by their preferred names, their actual human person names, the ones they’ve asked nicely to be called by.
Laura Morris starting weeping as she claimed that the human being validating policy goes against her views as “a believer in Christ, Lion of the Tribe of Judah, Yahweh, the One True Lord”, telling a meeting of the school board in rural Virginia that she had “struggled with the idea of returning to the school and having to memorize maybe one or two new names after I already spent a few months learning the ones they already gave me” before praying to, in her words, “The Holiest God, He Who Sanctifies, Jehovah Mekoddishkem, Prince of Peace, Gaol The Redeemer, ” and settling on resigning, desperately pleading with the gathered crowd to implore their devotion to “The one, the ALPHA, and his faithful servant, the OMEGA,” and for others to do the same.
Pointing directly at the board, she continued: “You’ve made your point. You no longer value me, my lack of reading comprehension or my love of Kanna the Jealous, Kadosh the Love of the Heavens, Magen Our Shield, JESUS, Our One True Shabhat, or many other teachers because of their insistence on not doing any research into the origins of the hill we all seem to be so willing to die on. We will no longer be employed in this county? Great. So since my contract outlines the power that you have over my employment in Loudon County Public Schools, I thought it necessary to resign in front of you. Praise Tsur, the one true God, Our Rock!”
Jason Hillman (ON TOUR NOW) is an award-winning writer, actor, photographer, stand-up comic and all-around clear case of unaddressed ADHD. He’s also written for Medium, Huffington Post, Thought Catalog and a bunch of ephemeral culture vulture sites that no longer exist. Those are mostly not his fault. His album, VITAL DISASTER PARTY, will be coming out sometime soon.