Health

Trans Guy Takes 15 Years off His Appearance In 5 Minutes! Find Out His Secret! (Spoiler: He Shaved)

NEWPORT, RI– Local trans guy and barista Max Governor has discovered the secret to eternal youth – shaving. Customers at his coffee shop are astonished, and jealous, of the change. “It’s amazing; I wish I could take years off like that myself,” says local Book Group attendee Sue Armstrong. “I keep buying these overpriced creams… Continue reading Trans Guy Takes 15 Years off His Appearance In 5 Minutes! Find Out His Secret! (Spoiler: He Shaved)

Celebrities · Lifestyle · Opinion

Fuck it, I guess I have to go on Joe Rogan’s Podcast

THE MIDWEST SOMEWHERE, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT- As controversy swirls around renegade podcaster Joe Rogan’s $100 million deal with Spotify, one Queer Coded editor is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice – he’s willing to appear on his podcast. “So I saw Rogan’s statement about his Covid denying nonsense, where he said he should have… Continue reading Fuck it, I guess I have to go on Joe Rogan’s Podcast

Science

Anti-Vaxxer Sues Parents for Vaccinating Her Against Polio As a Child

MEMPHIS, TN– Terry McKinnon, local wine mom and Instagram user, has filed a suit against her parents for 42 years ago vaccinating her against measles, polio, and a host of other diseases commonly vaccinated against as a child. “I mean, I love my parents, but I can’t let this slide!” Says McKinnon, while rearranging her… Continue reading Anti-Vaxxer Sues Parents for Vaccinating Her Against Polio As a Child

Politics

Wait, Are We Going to War With Russia Or Not?

STERLING, IL– Local lawyer and CNN junkie Laura Ashland is in a state of confusion. After days of the news hyping up a possible confrontation between the US and Russia over Ukraine, the topic has been seemingly completely dropped in favor of Justice Breyer’s impending retirement. “We’ve had days, DAYS, of being told Russia is… Continue reading Wait, Are We Going to War With Russia Or Not?

Lifestyle · Pandemic

Covid Needs to End So I Can Finally Get My Tits Removed

TULSA, OK–Local trans guy Matt Theman laments the Omicron surge in his area and around the world as only he can. “Of course it’s awful, and needs to end, if for no other reason but that I need to have top surgery.” “Like, when ever I see idiots without masks, I want to scream at… Continue reading Covid Needs to End So I Can Finally Get My Tits Removed

Lifestyle · Opinion · Psychology

Queer Person Tired of Having More Stuff to Come Out As

AMES, IA– Local queer person Lynx Harris recently discovered the term “Aegosexual”, and immediately connected with it. The term, which refers to people on the asexual spectrum who have a disconnect with the object of sexual attraction and themselves, happens to describe perfectly what Lynx has been unable to express in their life, but is… Continue reading Queer Person Tired of Having More Stuff to Come Out As

Celebrities · Lifestyle · Television

“What is a woman?” And Other Jeopardy Questions Transphobes Can’t Answer

LOS ANGELES, CA– “A person who identifies as a woman despite their chromosomes or genital configuration,” is a Jeopardy question that has stumped many transphobes, who are just proving they would be absolutely crushed if they had to go against current Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider. Schneider, who recently became the first woman to break $1,000,000… Continue reading “What is a woman?” And Other Jeopardy Questions Transphobes Can’t Answer

Uncategorized

For As Little as I’m Paying People; You Would Think They Could Show Up To Work More

DAVENPORT, IA– “Nobody wants to work anymore,” laments call center director Doug Osborne. “We pay $10! That’s more than minimum wage! People should be thanking me; they’re so ungrateful. They can’t even be bothered to show up to work. What are they doing? Spending time with family? Pisgah, how does that help anyone?” “When I… Continue reading For As Little as I’m Paying People; You Would Think They Could Show Up To Work More