We can finally finish what we started: The Year of the Jeopardy! Gay!” said a spokesperson for all gays everywhere. “May we continue to dominate!”
We all know rule 34 of the internet. “If you can think of it, there IS porn of it!” Well, maybe we don’t ALL know the rule, but Ted Cruz sure does! When Criticizing Disney’s opposition to Florida’s “don’t say gay” bill, Ted Cruz lamented that we would now have to see cartoons of ”Mickey… Continue reading Ted Cruz Demands Exclusively Heterosexual Disney Porn
SAN FRANCISCO–The artform and social experience of comedy, a celebration of the surprising and absurd which has been a part of human behavior for all of its recorded history, was declared officially dead today by Kevin Miller, a 26 year old engineer who has never participated in it. “Wow, I guess you’re not allowed to… Continue reading “You Can’t Even Tell Jokes Now” Says Man Who Couldn’t Tell Jokes Before
HOLLYWOOD, CA–Tonight is the Night! The Oscars! The ACADEMY AWARDS! Local lesbian/movie fan Jessica Zhang wanted to watch a few Best Picture contenders before the big night, and, as a member of the LGBTQ community, she had heard Power of the Dog described as a “gay Cowboy movie.” “That sounds awesome,” said Zhang, who had… Continue reading Local Woman Wonders When “Power of the Dog” Gets Gay.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT–In a surprising but welcome turn, Republican Governor Spencer Cox of Utah, vetoed a law banning trans athletes from competing in girls’ sports. Cox believes the bill needlessly targets youth who already had to live in Utah. “The dead-eyed freaks of this burned wasteland elected me to mitigate the pain of living… Continue reading Governor Vetos Anti-Trans Law, Claims Living In Utah Already Oppressive
BLACKSBURG, VA – You hear cries of unfairness all the time! “Trans people are ruining sports!” Or rather, trans women. For SOME REASON, nobody seems to care about trans men in men’s sports, but that’s an issue for a different day! The goal of any sport is to be the best…unless you’re trans, in which… Continue reading “Trans People Are So Sensitive” Says Athlete Who Cried After Losing Literal Game.
DES MOINES, IOWA – Although most of the response has surrounded its effects on trans students and athletes, the recent Iowa bill which bans trans women from women’s sporting events has further controversial content. An amendment, added in the Senate and reconciled after the House passed it, establishes for the first time that dogs cannot… Continue reading Iowa Trans Athlete Ban Also Says Dogs Can’t Play Basketball
Tallahassee, FL — On the heels of Florida’s controversial “Don’t Say Gay” law, the Florida state legislature is considering a historic “Don’t Say Clitoris” Law. The law would ban the, “discussion of the clitoris and any other lady parts – except for boobs – in any public or private venue that may make men feel… Continue reading Florida Moves Ahead with ‘Don’t Say Clitoris’ Law
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Following the lack of speed with which the “Don’t Say Gay” bill has driven all of those nasty gays and trans-ies out of existence (or at least out of state), Gov. Ron Desantis and the Florida Department of Education are pleased to provide the following guidance to all Florida schools. Schools are… Continue reading BREAKING: Governor Ron DeSantis Provides Guidence To Florida School Districts On “Those Kids”
AUSTIN, TX – Texas has been a hotbed of transphobia lately…and always! Governor Greg Abbott’s latest transphobic tantrum comes in the form of attacking trans youth, going so far as to investigate supportive parents for child abuse. According to republicans like Abbott, basic medical care and saving kids’ lives is “monstrous” and must be stopped.… Continue reading Joe Biden Giving Texas Until the Count of 3 to Stop Attacking Trans Kids or ELSE!