PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND–It appears that the mighty Hasbro Corporation has done what a civil war, decades of racial tension, and partisanship has not: brought about the end of the United States. Mark Dice, a man nobody has really heard of, is particularly angered. “This whole gender thing is getting out of control,” Mark said, absolutely… Continue reading Gender Neutral Mr Potato Head Causes Dissolution of the United States
WASHINGTON DC–Triggering a massive, yet unexpected, response, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) posted a sign outside her office that said, “There Are Two Genders: Male & Female. ‘Trust the Science.’” The sign prompted a large amount of transgender people to suddenly stop and start reversing their transitions. “I just have never heard that statement before,”… Continue reading Rep Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Sign Triggers Mass Detransitions
Deeply closeted gay man accidentally reveals more than he intended. “I just thought I was being funny,” he said, unaware that conservatives are incapable of humor. The man is referring to his new t-shirt, which has printed on it, “I lubricate my AR-15 with Liberal Cum.” “I never stopped to think about how I was getting the cum,” he continued.
KANSAS CITY, MO–A study of media produced findings showing homosexual white cis-gendered men are quickly achieving a level of pop culture status that can only be described as ubiquitous. While other minorities have struggled to find representation, on Friday, Doctors Skip Burman and Scott Turley have determined that gays are showing market saturation, leaving very… Continue reading Hallmark Movies Show Gays Approach Market Saturation
SAN ANTONIO–As millions of Texans are out of power in the middle of the worst winter storm to hit the state in a decade, politicians are finding excuses easier to come by than solutions. As accusations of culpability are thrown around, a surprising culprit has emerged: LGBT Americans. “It’s all the gays’ fault for this,”… Continue reading Gays to Blame for Texan Disaster
DAVENPORT, IOWA–A new bill from Iowa legislatures seeks to ban the discussion of transgender people in schools, and local class clown and trans student Jax Sharma couldn’t be happier. Often under scrutiny for their pranks and antics, ranging from basic TP-ing to full-on arson, Jax is hoping this bill passes both chambers so that they… Continue reading Iowa Republicans Seek to Ban Discussing Transgender People in Schools and the Class Prankster is THRILLED
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN–Charles Bonwit, a 32-year old line cook from Evanston, Illinois, was surprised to find himself shipped to Afghanistan after joking that he “identified as an attack helicopter.” “I thought I was being funny. I figured if someone who was born male could be a female, I could be a helicopter.” What Mr. Bonwit didn’t… Continue reading Area Man Who “Identifies As An Attack Helicopter” Deployed To Afghanistan
Home improvement store Home Depot has announced a partnership with noted author J.K. Rowling to provide grass/sod samples for a specific subset of her fans and supporters. The “Turfs for TERFs” initiative is intended to show solidarity between Home Depot and the anti-LGBT movement. Home Depot donated $1,825,500 to 111 anti-gay politicians in 2017-2018.
LONDON–Eddie Izzard, the stand-up comedian and activist, is aiming to become the first openly trans member of Parliament. She aims to take a seat in the House of Commons. While there are several LGB people in the 650 member body, she would be the first trans member. As such, she has vowed to fight for… Continue reading Eddie Izzard Aims To Become First Trans MP, Vows To Fight For Core Constituency: Rich People
WASHINGTON DC–The Biden administration resumed the Obama-era policy of allowing openly Transgender people to serve in the military.
