News Shorts

Gays to Blame for Texan Disaster

SAN ANTONIO–As millions of Texans are out of power in the middle of the worst winter storm to hit the state in a decade, politicians are finding excuses easier to come by than solutions. As accusations of culpability are thrown around, a surprising culprit has emerged: LGBT Americans.

“It’s all the gays’ fault for this,” says Texan governor Greg Abbott. “We knew from the winter storm in 2011 we needed to winterize the state’s electrical system, but the gays have been taking up all of our energy for the past 10 years.”

Abbott is referring to the Texas GOP’s war against the LGBTQ. As reported by LGBTQ Nation, this includes blocking the San Antonio Airport’s refusal to host a Chick Fil-A restaurant over their anti-gay policies. Recently they have also been focused on electro-shocking gay teens, and examining the genitals of trans girls in sports.

“If gay people just didn’t exist,” continued Abbott, “we could have focused on doing what we needed to do to get Texas safe and ready for this winter. I know we had 10 years, but those pesky gay people just kept existing! So it’s all their fault. Oh, and AOC. She’s also responsible. So about 83% gays, 27% AOC. It’s all the LGBTQIAOC agenda ruining this great state.”