CLEVELAND, OH–Preparing for the Annual State Pride Parade in June proceeds briskly. The parade–often decked out in fantastic khaki and camo shades–brings a variety of white people to the streets, culminating with incels, anti-LGBT people, and white supremacists all coming together to shotgun beers outside local sports bars. The Straight Pride Parade was started by… Continue reading Pending Straight Pride Parade Prepares Plans
EERIE, INDIANA–Looking at his friends success in dating, a man tries to remember what all the girls in high school liked. It is in this moment that a local trans man, Charles Parker, realizes he does not know shit about women. I just don’t know what to do about it. They are utterly mysterious.” Parker,… Continue reading Local Trans Man Doesn’t Know Shit About Women
LAS VEGAS–In a surprise move, the Ultimate Fighting Championship has announced a new bout to feature the most despised statesmen from throughout the world. UFC has announced their lineup for the Eldritch Statesman Bout, and the title fight shall include Donald J Trump and Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz. It being billed as a match up… Continue reading Card For UFC Eldritch Statesman Bout Announced: Trump Vs Cruz
Curious to know the future? We are too! That’s why we make it up!
WASHINGTON DC–Speaking for the first time before a joint session of congress as President of the United States, President Joe Biden had an inspiring message for transgender Americans. President Biden said, “To all the transgender Americans watching at home […] I want you to know that your president has your back. And your neck… Continue reading Biden To Trans Americans: We Have Your Back, And Your Shoulders Are Tense
WASHINGTON DC–Breaking a precedent dating back to 2019, the Biden administration has allowed the raising of gay pride flags on the same flag poles as the American flag at international embassies. The rainbow pride flags will be permitted to fly openly internationally, as opposed to how LGBT children live in some US states. “This is… Continue reading BREAKING: Gay Flags Gain Equality Before Gay People!
LOS ANGELES–This year’s 93rd Academy Awards displayed a large amount of diversity, at least by Oscar standards, but one group remained on the sidelines throughout the ceremonies: cisgender actors looking to play trans roles so they can win Oscars. “This isn’t fair,” said an actor, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “If I want… Continue reading Cis Actors Decry Lack Of Oscar Bait Trans Roles
SACRAMENTO, CA–Breaking a record that has held since early last year, transgender Americans spoke all as one as they said, “Oh God no.” The event was prompted by the announcement of reality TV star and former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner that she would run for governor, which was echoed across the entire country simultaneously and therefore… Continue reading Transgender Americans Break World Record, Simultaneously Saying “Oh God No.”
A Guest Post from Adam W. I just can’t. For the past 15 years I’ve struggled and finally came into my own as a gay man, but there was something about seeing Ben Shapiro carrying a plank of wood in a pitifully small bag–like a guy claiming the condom was too small to use–that just… Continue reading Guest Post: Ben Shapiro Buying Wood Turned Me Straight
BATAVIA, IL–It is not every day that the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory attracts protestors, but one evangelical organization has taken exception to some jargon used in the studying of physics. Specifically, the group takes hopes to change the name of “charm” and “strange” quarks; each is an elementary particle of matter. On Sunday, the group,… Continue reading Family Values Group Aims To Change Name Of “Charm,” “Strange” Quarks
