Guest Post: Ben Shapiro Buying Wood Turned Me Straight

This Picture Of Ben Shapiro Turned Me Straight

A Guest Post from Adam W.

I just can’t.

For the past 15 years I’ve struggled and finally came into my own as a gay man, but there was something about seeing Ben Shapiro carrying a plank of wood in a pitifully small bag–like a guy claiming the condom was too small to use–that just broke me. Since seeing that I’ve just continually: is that what being a man is? Is that who I am attracted to? In my opinion, Mr. Shapiro is relatively handsome, though I would maybe change up his hair. But he’s fit and I can imagine picking him up and carrying him into our bedroom so we could explore each other.

But not now. That picture is a mockery of manliness. That picture, with the oversized watch and proudly displaying his receipt is just disgustingly terrible. He’s trying so hard and there is nothing cool about it. Is that what manliness is? Am I seeing what other people see when they see a man like me?

And it’s not even a casual picture. He had someone else take it. And look how it’s framed: the bag displaying the logo, with the building in the background. And he’s holding it like someone that has never seen a plank of wood ever. Is he afraid of the splinters? That’s not tough. It’s OK to be femme, Ben. It’s just not OK to be a douche.

And the look in his eye, like, “I got you, libs!” You don’t know half of it, man. I am a professional carpenter; that is literally what I do for a living. I can’t help but imagine him trying to put up a shelf with that thing and it being off level and whatever trinkets he puts on there would just fall off. Can you imagine him using hand tools on that thing? Hell no.  Could he use a hand saw? He would cut off half the fingers on his left and right hand and just refuse to acknowledge he did anything wrong. We don’t even want to bring in power equipment.

It’s pathetic. And I see myself in that now. I just can’t help it. I just can’t help but see how painfully staged this all is. Is that how other people see men? I asked my husband that same question and he just shook his head and left the room. Can you imagine that? This picture causes a level of existential angst. I showed it to my husband, because at first I thought it was funny. But then he got upset with me and left. And just looking at Ben, I’m wondering if I can ever see another man without thinking of this kind of false display of manliness. And I’ve seen some rather extreme levels of manliness–you know, the gay thing.

But I’m not sure I can see them again after this. I don’t know if I can look at another man with respect. I am going to have to go out and say that Ben Shapiro turned me straight. Conversion therapy couldn’t. So–good job?

Thanks, Ben. I might call my high school girlfriend. I hope she’s doing OK. She was always nice. At least she wouldn’t pull this kind of thing. She would just let someone who knew how to do the work do it; like I did her makeup