News Shorts

BREAKING: Gay Flags Gain Equality Before Gay People!

WASHINGTON DC–Breaking a precedent dating back to 2019, the Biden administration has allowed the raising of gay pride flags on the same flag poles as the American flag at international embassies. The rainbow pride flags will be permitted to fly openly internationally, as opposed to how LGBT children live in some US states.

“This is a huge step forward for flags in America,” said White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki. “These flags will fly openly on the same poles as the American flag to let people around the world know that we may invade, but some of us probably will be cool with whoever you are dating, unless they have oil or rare earth metals.”

Under the Trump administration, several embassies requested to fly the flag on the pole but these were rejected as “too gay.” However, the current administration says this is just fine by them because of the letter A.

“The A in LGBTQIA stands for ally, and as a member of the LGBTQIA community, I’m not so sure about those T people. Those pronouns are weird. They want me to use ‘they.’ Not sure I can do that,” Undersecretary of Flags, Pierce Osborne said.

Reports that the A in LGBTQIA stands for “Asexual” could not be verified at press time. “But as long as we get to show the flag that’s fine,” Osborne concluded. “Except I wouldn’t fly this in North Dakota; I don’t know if children can be raised by gay parents there.”