News Shorts

Transgender Americans Break World Record, Simultaneously Saying “Oh God No.”

Caitlyn Jenner

SACRAMENTO, CA–Breaking a record that has held since early last year, transgender Americans spoke all as one as they said, “Oh God no.” The event was prompted by the announcement of reality TV star and former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner that she would run for governor, which was echoed across the entire country simultaneously and therefore set a world record.

“Some people would suggest that this might have been overshadowed by President Trump suggesting bleach for curing the Coronavirus,” Margret Tyson of the Guinness World Record organization said. “But no. That was the largest simultaneous laughter. In this case, we recorded millions of transgender Americans simultaneously sighing and saying, ‘Oh God No,’ completely spontaneously. Quite an achievement.”

Jenner, who announced her run on Friday, is a regular embarrassment to the transgender community. As transgender person Davon Jackson explained, “It’s like her job is to embarrass us. I mean, there are plenty of terrible transgender people, but there’s something about Jenner that is just very specifically cringe-worthy. She is desperate for the attention and I’m not sure she has other skills at this point. Other people have tried to teach her but she refuses to learn.”

Jenner has hired some of the same consultants that Donald Trump hired during his last campaign, news of which caused many to say “Of course,” but that was not the same number as, “Oh God no.”

Tyson acknowledged the second attempt as impressive, “Two worthy attempts at the record in a day, and one successful. A very worthy achievement.”