Catastrophic Drop In Gay in 2021 CHICAGO–Judging by the pride parade this year in Chicago, the amount of Gay in the United States has not stopped its previous ascent, but the numbers tell a different story. The level of Gay has dropped to below 2008 levels in the past year, mostly accounting to the Coronavirus… Continue reading BY THE NUMBERS: Gay Hits Decade Low Due To Coronavirus
NEW MEXICO- Billionaire entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson and six others died earlier today when Virgin’s VSS Unity exploded moments after launch in a failed attempt to go into space. The space ship was supposed to travel through space for 9 minutes before returning to Earth, but an apparent problem with the cup holders not being… Continue reading Richard Branson Dies in Fiery Explosion
OMAHA, NE — Recovering from a significant amount of stuffing loss, 35-year-old Theodore “Teddy” Ruxpin detailed his accident involving large agricultural machinery that happened last Tuesday. “It hurts,” he said, rubbing his paw on one of the 34 separate stitches now holding his stuffing in, “I’ve been working, ya know. Odd jobs. This one comes in.… Continue reading Teddy Ruxpin Who Survived Corn Detasseler Accident Describes Ordeal
SYRACUSE, NY–Citing new stressors, labor union Consolidated Fiends 203rd, is considering striking from their jobs. The union said that monsters demand better working conditions or they will walk off the job by mid July. “It’s quite disturbing, what some of our people go through. We have some creatures with PTSD from what they’ve seen going… Continue reading Monsters Under Bed Demand Better Working Conditions
MIDLOTHIAN, IL–Failing is never on anyone’s agenda, but for two friends, Alex Riley and Tony Carrick, failure hit the the duo hard after their career in podcasting. The duo’s podcast, “Hangin’ With Alex and Tony” ended after two episodes. The two cited creative differences. “I mean, when we started this,” Carrick said, “Alex was so… Continue reading Podcast Ends After 2 Episodes
CAMBRIDGE, MA–Neurologists at the Harvard Neurological Overlap Lab have made a startling discovery that threatens to upend decades of research into how the mind works. Using state-of-the-art radioisotope imaging combined with the latest in electron ptychographic reconstruction, scientists discovered that human orgasms brainwaves are entirely composed of the J.G. Wentworth Jingle. The lead scientist, Dr.… Continue reading BREAKING: Scientists Decode Orgasm Brain Waves Are Mostly The J.G. Wentworth Jingle
WASHINGTON, DC- Pride month is almost over, but the party still rages on! Joining in this year is the greatest, most unexpected of LGBTQ allies, the Supreme Court! Coming on the heels of their decision not to reverse a lower court decision to allow transgender students to use the bathroom of their choice, the queer… Continue reading Breaking: Supreme Court Gay AF
WASHINGTON DC–Celebrating what appears to be the end of a legal battle dating back years, Gavin Grimm, now 20, had only one thing on his mind. “I gotta piss,” he said. Grimm had sued a Virginia school board about the policy of preventing transgender students from using the restroom that corresponded to their particular gender.… Continue reading Gavin Grimm, After Holding It Since 2015, Finally Can Pee
CELESTIAL DOMAIN, HEAVEN–Celebrating Pride Month, the Lord High God issued several decrees. God gave three new rules for humanity, “Hi! So, a few things then I’ll let you get back to your pride month celebrations. So first thing, please stop doing terrible things and blaming me for it, okay? It’s kind of a bummer. Second… Continue reading God Declares Tucker Carlson Gay
TOLEDO, OH–Upon completion of years of dedicated research into the LGBTQ community in and around Toledo, Ohio, a local scientist announced their findings to a shocked group of their colleagues. Doctor Sam Gurak summed up their 100 page scientific report in two words,”Aiden sucks.” The findings were devastating and a complete surprise to the subject… Continue reading Report: Aiden Sucks
