WASHINGTON, DC- Pride month is almost over, but the party still rages on! Joining in this year is the greatest, most unexpected of LGBTQ allies, the Supreme Court! Coming on the heels of their decision not to reverse a lower court decision to allow transgender students to use the bathroom of their choice, the queer community is embracing them, and they are embracing back.
Justice Coney Barrett was recently seen at a Pride parade, telling all who would listen her reasonings for the court’s recent decision in favor of transgender student Gavin Grimm. “If he wants to use the men’s room,” the newest Justice was heard saying, “Who am I to say otherwise? I would never use the men’s room; I’m sure it’s just absolutely filthy. I personally can’t poo without some potpourri and scented hand towels. But if he really wants this, who am I to say otherwise?”
Never one to turn down a party, Justice Kavanaugh has been seen slamming down drinks, while regaling everyone around him with his theories on personal freedom and responsibility. “I just love everything you stand for: self expression, free speech, freedom from government interference, and of course, unfettered rainbow capitalism!” Justice Kavanaugh was recorded saying, as he traded in his normal beers for fruity cocktails.
Also joining the fun was Chief Justice Roberts, who has taken a more reserved stance to the partying, but is joining in none the less. “No one can see it,” said the Bush appointee, “but under these heavy dark robes are some thigh-high rainbow stockings.”
Unsurprising, the more liberal justices are getting involved as well, as Justice Breyer was recently seen at a drag show in eye liner and a feather boa. The long-time justice, rumored to be considering retirement, was last seen recalling arguments from the seminal decision Obergefell v Hodges to anyone who would listen.
Justices Kagan and Sotomayor were seen about as well, attending a queer poetry slam and later spectating a “Dykes on Bikes” parade.
Justices Thomas and Alito are sitting out this year but here’s fingers crossed for next year!