News Shorts

Monsters Under Bed Demand Better Working Conditions

Frankie’s Visage When Projected Into 3 Dimensional Space

SYRACUSE, NY–Citing new stressors, labor union Consolidated Fiends 203rd, is considering striking from their jobs. The union said that monsters demand better working conditions or they will walk off the job by mid July.

“It’s quite disturbing, what some of our people go through. We have some creatures with PTSD from what they’ve seen going on in the beds of adults,” said union spokes entity [unpronouncable], who also goes by Frankie. “We get into this line of work for the kids; and we know that sometimes we’ll pull a bed with some adults in it for our shift. And that sucks. But them’s the breaks. It’s not glamorous or fun, like some films would have you believe.”

One of Frankie’s partners, who also is a member of the union, explained it this way. “Sometimes you get a couple and they have sex. And that’s fine. It’s part of the job. You just hide under the bed and scare a cat out of there, pop your dust bunny zits. It’s, ya know, work. But some people are depraved. And it’s only getting worse.”

While monsters under beds are vital jobs that would otherwise go unfilled, many beings claim the pay is not worth it since the easing of the pandemic, many people are having more and more sex than they did in the previous 18 months; with some diving into the affairs with gusto. Frankie added, “I, myself, have been privy to some degrading acts. You think we’re scary? You think the endless abyss of death is something to be fearful of? No. No way; you haven’t seen the depravity of the way homo sapiens have sex. It’s disgusting.”

Despite requests for clarification, the 203rd union would not elaborate “I don’t want to detail it. We’re going to walk off the job unless you people calm yourselves down. And soon. We’ve had to increase our MFMLA allocations 300% because of the trauma you inflict. And god forbid we should get assigned a closet. You know what kind of _things_ so many people have in boxes high up in their closets? Disturbing.”