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Teddy Ruxpin Who Survived Corn Detasseler Accident Describes Ordeal

“The blades,” he said, “were this big.”


OMAHA, NE — Recovering from a significant amount of stuffing loss, 35-year-old Theodore “Teddy” Ruxpin detailed his accident involving large agricultural machinery that happened last Tuesday. “It hurts,” he said, rubbing his paw on one of the 34 separate stitches now holding his stuffing in, “I’ve been working, ya know. Odd jobs. This one comes in. And how hard can it be? Just stay ahead of the machine. Then I tripped.”

Ruxpin, who was last seen in the public eye as an extra on JAG during the last season run, had fallen far from his hey-day.
“He’s just not the same,” said his partner, Lucky. “It just tears me up. I wish I could help him. But I can’t. I should have been a doctor instead of a stupid cereal mascot.”
Ruxpin is not upset at his partner, but he can’t help but relive the incident. “The thing just picked me up and ripped out my insides. I’m lucky I still have my eyes. There was so much stuff,” he said, looking outside a window and inhaling in a huge pull from a cannabis vape pen. “I used to be someone,” he said. “I used to be a star. I used to be someone. They sold my tapes all over the country. And now I’m just a bear who’s lost half his stuffing. I’ll never be a real bear. Not anymore.”