Lifestyle · Pandemic

Covid Needs to End So I Can Finally Get My Tits Removed

TULSA, OK–Local trans guy Matt Theman laments the Omicron surge in his area and around the world as only he can. “Of course it’s awful, and needs to end, if for no other reason but that I need to have top surgery.” “Like, when ever I see idiots without masks, I want to scream at… Continue reading Covid Needs to End So I Can Finally Get My Tits Removed

Fashion · Sexuality

Aspiring Lesbian Actor Wants “Gay Haircut”; Can’t Afford New Headshots

Local femme Leslie Kipling is having trouble meeting women. Her matches on dating apps don’t usually flourish beyond a few text exchanges, Covid concerns keep Leslie out of gay bars, and she can’t seem to attract other queer women in the wild because, as she’s been told, she doesn’t “look gay.” To combat this issue… Continue reading Aspiring Lesbian Actor Wants “Gay Haircut”; Can’t Afford New Headshots

Health · Psychology · Science

Local Woman “Literally Dead” After Witnessing Cats Being Cute.

JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING — Joan Horowitz woke up the morning of January 7th like she did every other morning before that one. She opened her eyes, turned off her alarm, and, squinting from the sun in the windows, rolled over to greet her furry little friends. What she saw would change the world forever. Joan’s… Continue reading Local Woman “Literally Dead” After Witnessing Cats Being Cute.

Lifestyle · Opinion · Psychology

Queer Person Tired of Having More Stuff to Come Out As

AMES, IA– Local queer person Lynx Harris recently discovered the term “Aegosexual”, and immediately connected with it. The term, which refers to people on the asexual spectrum who have a disconnect with the object of sexual attraction and themselves, happens to describe perfectly what Lynx has been unable to express in their life, but is… Continue reading Queer Person Tired of Having More Stuff to Come Out As

Celebrities · Lifestyle · Television

“What is a woman?” And Other Jeopardy Questions Transphobes Can’t Answer

LOS ANGELES, CA– “A person who identifies as a woman despite their chromosomes or genital configuration,” is a Jeopardy question that has stumped many transphobes, who are just proving they would be absolutely crushed if they had to go against current Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider. Schneider, who recently became the first woman to break $1,000,000… Continue reading “What is a woman?” And Other Jeopardy Questions Transphobes Can’t Answer

News Shorts · Pop Culture · Television

Local Gay Man Relieved “Amazing Race” Features a Cool, Queer Couple

FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA – “It wasn’t looking good for the first few minutes,” said local gay man Anton Larchmont of the new teams on The Amazing Race, which premiered last night. Larchmont reported that when he first turned on the program he felt fear. Pure fear. What if this year’s Amazing Race was ALL hetero??… Continue reading Local Gay Man Relieved “Amazing Race” Features a Cool, Queer Couple

Holidays · Opinion

I’m Sick of Tacky Holiday Engagements Unless You’re Gay, in Which Case OMG CONGRATS LOVE IT!

Seriously? A Christmas engagement? That’s so tacky! An engagement is supposed to be a special, unique moment for the couple. I don’t understand why you would pick such an unoriginal day to pop the question! There is zero sense behind this heteronormative need to propose on what’s already the most popular holiday in America. Could… Continue reading I’m Sick of Tacky Holiday Engagements Unless You’re Gay, in Which Case OMG CONGRATS LOVE IT!

Family · Holidays

Queers Estranged From Family Ecstatic to Have Zero Gift Returns

Yesterday was Boxing Day! No, not the day when you put on boxing gloves and whack other people in the face. But that would be fun and cute, right? No, no, it’s the day when you box up your unwanted, ugly gifts and make those returns! That’s why it’s called BOXing day, right? Because you… Continue reading Queers Estranged From Family Ecstatic to Have Zero Gift Returns

Holidays

War on Christmas: It’s December 26th

WASHINGTON DC–Well, the liberal social elites and social justice warriors are up to their old tricks again. In their most shocking assault yet on the beloved and time-honored tradition of Christmas, it is now December 26. Thanks to this underhanded sleight, The Left has gotten everything they ever wanted. Nobody’s wishing each other “Merry Christmas”… Continue reading War on Christmas: It’s December 26th