Comedy

“You Can’t Even Tell Jokes Now” Says Man Who Couldn’t Tell Jokes Before

SAN FRANCISCO–The artform and social experience of comedy, a celebration of the surprising and absurd which has been a part of human behavior for all of its recorded history, was declared officially dead today by Kevin Miller, a 26 year old engineer who has never participated in it. “Wow, I guess you’re not allowed to… Continue reading “You Can’t Even Tell Jokes Now” Says Man Who Couldn’t Tell Jokes Before

Politics · Sports

Iowa Trans Athlete Ban Also Says Dogs Can’t Play Basketball

DES MOINES, IOWA – Although most of the response has surrounded its effects on trans students and athletes, the recent Iowa bill which bans trans women from women’s sporting events has further controversial content. An amendment, added in the Senate and reconciled after the House passed it, establishes for the first time that dogs cannot… Continue reading Iowa Trans Athlete Ban Also Says Dogs Can’t Play Basketball

Lifestyle · Queer Coded

LGBT Community Presents Latest List of Objects, Ideas Which Are Gay

NEW YORK- The board of the LGBT community called a press conference yesterday in order to announce their yearly list of objects and ideas which are gay now. The conference drew a broad audience of gay people looking for things to post about online and cishet people looking for what to avoid, but not because… Continue reading LGBT Community Presents Latest List of Objects, Ideas Which Are Gay

By The Numbers · News Shorts · Science

Lesbian Investigative Reporter Releases Bombshell Report: Girls Pretty

WASHINGTON DC–After three years of research, Queer Coded’s own investigative reporter and lesbian Samantha Mollins has finally released her bombshell report: girls pretty. “I was surprised when the conclusion of all my work fit into two words myself,” Mollins mused. “But then I thought about it for a while, and then I thought about it… Continue reading Lesbian Investigative Reporter Releases Bombshell Report: Girls Pretty

Politics

Trans Agenda Disproved: Local Trans Woman Has No Plans About Anything Whatsoever

SEATTLE, WA- The right wing theory of the trans agenda, a supposed plan beginning with trans acceptance and leading to various catastrophic social consequences, has been dealt a fatal blow by the discovery of Emily Jones, a trans woman with absolutely no plans whatsoever. “I mean, I prefer to take things one day at a… Continue reading Trans Agenda Disproved: Local Trans Woman Has No Plans About Anything Whatsoever

Holidays

War on Christmas: It’s December 26th

WASHINGTON DC–Well, the liberal social elites and social justice warriors are up to their old tricks again. In their most shocking assault yet on the beloved and time-honored tradition of Christmas, it is now December 26. Thanks to this underhanded sleight, The Left has gotten everything they ever wanted. Nobody’s wishing each other “Merry Christmas”… Continue reading War on Christmas: It’s December 26th

Lifestyle

War on Christmas: Fourth Grader Says Santa Actually Your Parents

SEATTLE–The War on Christmas has started again, and this time, it’s in our schools. We’ve all known that the leftists would try to come for our children, but we had no idea how shameless they’d be. In the latest instance of their secular agenda, Flynn Johnson, a fourth grader at John Hay Elementary School, just… Continue reading War on Christmas: Fourth Grader Says Santa Actually Your Parents

Lifestyle · Television

“You’ll Love It!” Says Gay, Of Utterly Unwatchable Show

CHICAGO–“I think you’ll really love it,” local gay Leah King said today, of the least watchable television program you’ve experienced. “It’s one of my personal favorites,” she continued, mystifyingly. “And I think you would really enjoy it!” Political fact checkers were quick to correct that you would not enjoy it, and neither would any normal… Continue reading “You’ll Love It!” Says Gay, Of Utterly Unwatchable Show

Celebrities · Pop Culture

JK Rowling’s Heart Grows 3 Sizes on Reading Harry Potter Themed Trans Rights Tweet

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND–In a heartwarming moment just in time for the holidays, J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, abandoned her transphobic biases today after reading a tweet implying her very characters would be supportive of trans people. It’s the kind of moment of beautiful and sincere human connection that could only happen on Twitter.… Continue reading JK Rowling’s Heart Grows 3 Sizes on Reading Harry Potter Themed Trans Rights Tweet

Opinion

War On Christmas: I Only Remember The Names of Two Reindeer

ARLINGTON, VA–Well, it looks like the leftists have won this round of The War On Christmas, folks.   Christmas was, at one point, an extremely popular holiday in the United States of America. But apparently, those days are over. In a shocking upset for the once well-known and widely celebrated event, I can only remember… Continue reading War On Christmas: I Only Remember The Names of Two Reindeer