TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA – Sometimes, you just want…no, NEED… a cheeseburger. The greasy, cheesy goodness can’t be beat by any other meal. The burger craving is something Lydia Frank is all too familiar with, and the need to bite into that meaty bun was STRONG this afternoon.
The problem, though, is that Lydia had JUST gone grocery shopping. She already had food, and spent good money on it, too. She went to Whole Foods after all!
However, she was exhausted. “I just couldn’t find it in me to cook. I spent so long in the store- searching the aisles, waiting in line, looking for parking, making that ANNOYING left turn out of the lot to go home.” Frank reports that after making the aforementioned left turn, she immediately pulled into the nearest McDonald’s.”
After finishing her Big Mac, which, according to Frank, was eaten in her car “shamefully and quickly,” Lydia went inside to unload her groceries. Sources close to Lydia expressed shock at the groceries being unloaded: Ground beef, lettuce, onions, thousand island dressing, and burger buns.
“She basically just bought stuff to make a Big Mac,” said Frank’s daughter, Gillian. Worried, Gillian added “When I asked if we were doing burgers for dinner, mom said she wasn’t in the mood because she just had a burger.” According to Lydia, having two burgers in one day is “unacceptable.” This left the Frank family at a complete stalemate.
At the time of reporting, the crisis is still ongoing in the Frank household, and Lydia is at a complete loss. No dinner consisting of the ingredients she purchased would be satisfactory. When Lydia’s husband/Gillian’s step-father, who wishes not to be named, suggested meatloaf, Lydia snapped back that meatloaf “was just bunless burgers” and called him a “useless idiot.” Sources are still working to verify whether this statement is factual.
Queercoded will keep an eye on the ongoing story, and will report back after the family deliberates over possibly spaghetti and meatballs.
Currently, no lives are in danger.