THE MIDWEST SOMEWHERE, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT- As controversy swirls around renegade podcaster Joe Rogan’s $100 million deal with Spotify, one Queer Coded editor is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice – he’s willing to appear on his podcast.
“So I saw Rogan’s statement about his Covid denying nonsense, where he said he should have more pandemic scientists on his podcast to balance out the misinformation, and oddly I found myself agreeing with him,” says the mysterious QC editor only known as Josh. “I mean, it’s not like his listeners are going to pay attention to ‘content warnings’, or whatever bullshit Spotify is going to come up with to avoid having to actually deal with the issue.”
“So then I’m thinking, well, it’s not like Rogan hasn’t had interesting people with things to say before, like when he had Bernie Sanders, and Sanders was actually able to reach a lot of people. And we all know Rogan talks a lot of shit about trans people, so why shouldn’t actual trans people go on his show to counter Rogan’s lack of actual knowledge in anything that isn’t men hitting other men or taking lots of drugs?”
“The more I think about it, the better it sounds. I’ll take whatever drugs Rogan gives me; I’m sure he has the good shit. I’ll commend him for his comic timing on ‘Newsradio’, an underrated sitcom classic. We’ll talk some pleasantries, wait for the drugs to kick in. Get all nice and cozy. Then I can start needling him on all the stuff he only thinks he knows about.”
“Trans people in sports, that’s something I know about. I can point out the fact no trans people are actually dominating women’s sports; that won’t be hard. I can ask him if the horse medicine he took for Covid tasted like apples and hay. An easy shot but it will feel good. We can then get into real shit.”
“You know, the more I think about it, it sounds fun. We might get some subscribers out of it. At the very least we’ll get people hate-reading our half-baked political and social commentary; any engagement is good engagement.”
“And it’s not just Rogan’s podcast. I’m going to put this out there- if you have a podcast; I’m willing to go on it. I will do anything. I once spent an hour on a friend’s podcast talking about how X-Men: First Class was better than Guardians of the Galaxy. Good times. I now retract that statement, by the way; I don’t know what I was thinking. I just kinda hate Chris Pratt I guess. Hey, do I get any credit for hating him before it was cool?”
“In summary, I will take free drugs and can talk at length about anything.”