Author: Ed.

EPA Reports Toxic Levels Of Bullshit Due To Story About Who Richard Was With Last Night
News Shorts

EPA Reports Toxic Levels Of Bullshit Due To Story About Who Richard Was With Last Night

Ed.

SYRACUSE, NY–A vast amount of manure was discovered spread across three blocks of the Skunk City neighborhood of Syracuse. Due to the large amount of methane such manure releases, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) was invited to investigate. The agency reports that this toxic level of bullshit is directly related to a story about who… Continue reading EPA Reports Toxic Levels Of Bullshit Due To Story About Who Richard Was With Last Night

Local Woman Prepares To Re-Watch Favorite Show From The 00’s
Lifestyle · Pop Culture

Local Woman Prepares To Re-Watch Favorite Show From The 00’s

Ed.

FAYETTEVILLE, AR–Sensing a bit of a low feeling in her life, a local transgender woman is considering re-watching one of the shows she enjoyed most pre-transition, a moderately successful NBC sitcom named 30 Rock. The re-watch of one of her favorite TV shows comes at a point where Diane Whyte cannot quite remember all the… Continue reading Local Woman Prepares To Re-Watch Favorite Show From The 00’s

Queer Coded Media Announces Distributed Print Edition
Business · News Shorts · Queer Coded

Queer Coded Media Announces Distributed Print Edition

Ed.

ROCKFORD, IL–Following a successful launch in April of this year, a local company is prepared to bring back print news to the state-line region. Queer Coded Media, LLC, is pleased to announce a print edition utilizing a innovative distributed model. Editor in Chief, Jen Durbent, stated, “There’s nothing better than the tangible feeling of reading… Continue reading Queer Coded Media Announces Distributed Print Edition

Local School District Saves Millions By Addressing Trans People Properly
News Shorts · Politics

Local School District Saves Millions By Addressing Trans People Properly

Ed.

GALVESTON, TX–Following a series of lawsuits, a Galveston School District 302 has determined that it would be less costly to merely address students as requested rather than to continue to litigate the cases in court. And in doing so, the local school district is claiming it will save millions of dollars by addressing transgender people… Continue reading Local School District Saves Millions By Addressing Trans People Properly

Homophobic Remark Sees Net Profit Of $4500
Food · News Shorts

Homophobic Remark Sees Net Profit Of $4500

Ed.

MADISON, WI–Examining the receipt of a credit card customer, local waiter Ivan Dreyer discovered a rude note on it and no tip. The receipt said that there was no tip because Dreyer was a “sinfull [sic] homosexual.” “That’s ridiculous,” Dreyer said. “It is. My husband and I have been married since it was legal and… Continue reading Homophobic Remark Sees Net Profit Of $4500

Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death
Music · Science

Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death

Ed.

GENEVA–Physicists around the world looked at TV screens absorbing the news; there has been a long held belief that the easy questions were answered, that there was nothing obvious left and that all the new physics was full of theory and massive super colliders. However, astrophysicists were shaken to the ground when the news was… Continue reading Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.
News Shorts · Science

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

Ed.

TARRE HAUTE, IN–Announcing a major breakthrough, a team of leading researchers at Indiana State University made waves as they stood in front of the collected faculty. They determined that a woman on the internet knows she is fat. The woman, who they identified as only Patient Mae, is overweight and knows it. “It was a… Continue reading Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

HEY FRANK: We Know The Next Gen Graphics Are Amazing But Please Wear Underwear While Streaming
Gaming

HEY FRANK: We Know The Next Gen Graphics Are Amazing But Please Wear Underwear While Streaming

Ed.

OPEN LETTER: Hey, Frank, we were watching you speed-run through the Cayo Perico heist on GTA5: Online. And seriously that was some really good playing, but I gotta ask you one small favor. Can you please wear underwear next time? It’s not that I’m a prude or that you’re gross but it’s just that you… Continue reading HEY FRANK: We Know The Next Gen Graphics Are Amazing But Please Wear Underwear While Streaming

Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him
News Shorts · Sports

Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him

Ed.

JACKSONVILLE, FL–Floundering in his single preseason game appearance, the former quarterback turned broadcaster turned baseball player turned some-other-position-on-a-football-team, Tim Tebow has been released by the Jacksonville Jaguars. When interviewed about his supposed favorite football player, God suggested that maybe Tebow should have taken the hint a few years back. “You see, I don’t pay much… Continue reading Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him