News Shorts · Politics

Local School District Saves Millions By Addressing Trans People Properly


GALVESTON, TX–Following a series of lawsuits, a Galveston School District 302 has determined that it would be less costly to merely address students as requested rather than to continue to litigate the cases in court. And in doing so, the local school district is claiming it will save millions of dollars by addressing transgender people by their names and pronouns.

“It’s quite an unusual tactic,” said district spokesperson Terry Duncan. “We took the cost of a dozen lawsuits last year and dropped it to a third, with only three teachers suing because we fired them for being assholes.”

Duncan, who also is a model railroad enthusiast in search of long walks through hobby store aisles and the sweet sweet high that comes with model glue, said that the district narrowed down the issue to just a few teachers who appeared to be intractable and unwilling to compromise to both improve learning conditions and reduce their failure at humanity.

“We didn’t have that many problems,” admitted Duncan. “A lot of teachers are here for the kids and not to make some kind of political point about what they may or may not believe. These textbooks are bad enough without all that.”

The announcement of the actual savings was at a local school board meeting attended by the Mayor Lloyd Wheeler, who said he was proud of the development. “Any way they can be cheaper is better for me and my constituents.”

However, when the Mayor was asked about implementing the idea in municipal departments such as the Police Department, the mayor asked in turn, “Are you a comedian?”