FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Following the lack of speed with which the “Don’t Say Gay” bill has driven all of those nasty gays and trans-ies out of existence (or at least out of state), Gov. Ron Desantis and the Florida Department of Education are pleased to provide the following guidance to all Florida schools. Schools are… Continue reading BREAKING: Governor Ron DeSantis Provides Guidence To Florida School Districts On “Those Kids”
You know Cara Cunningham. You love her. You may remember her from the cinematic masterpiece “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE.” Well, Cara came out as trans and has begun her transition, and we couldn’t be happier for her! While coming out as trans is a huge accomplishment, and should be a moment of pride, we also know… Continue reading LGBTQ Community’s Preemptive Request: LEAVE CARA ALONE!
TOKYO–Facing increased scrutiny, the small group of transgender athletes from around the world competing in the 2021 Toykyo Olympics come together to solidify their plans: Patience. These elite athletes plan to bide their time until they can utterly dominate the Olympics. The specifics of the timeline, from decades to hundreds of years, remains under wraps… Continue reading OLYMPIC SPECIAL: Trans Athletes Bide Time Until Utter Domination!
BURLINGTON, VT–After saying something that she thought to be profound, a local woman has found herself refuted by science. Trans Woman, Ashley Smith, stated on social media that, “Being trans is the least interesting thing about me.” Two hours later, her statement was refuted by a scientist who had submitted her findings to the prestigious… Continue reading Trans Woman: “Being Trans Is Least Interesting Thing About Me.” Scientists: “Not So Fast.”
Transgender Neo-Nazi Taylor Parker-Dipeppe pleaded guilty last year to federal charges over his involvement in a harassment campaign, however a judge has let him loose because “he’s suffered enough.” What Say You?
WAUKESHA, WI–Impressing himself and his roommate, local man Jake Hartely remembered to take his testosterone shot on time for the first time in two years. “I used to inject T every Sunday morning on the dot. Sometimes, I could feel my T levels dipping the day before the shot, and I’d feel like shit. But… Continue reading Local Man Remembers To Take Testosterone
DARBY, MT–In the wake of several mass shootings in a short period of time, the gun control conversation is happening and conservatives are NOT happy! According to conservatives everywhere, the government is coming for their guns, but like, for real this time? Local gun owner Brock Novack has had enough of the federal tyranny. “The… Continue reading “Taking My Guns is an Authoritarian Overstep,” says Republican Who Wants to Legislate Where People Can and Can’t Pee
TERRE HAUTE, IN–Ending a quiet Sunday evening before getting to bed, a local man decided to a log onto social media and see what his friends were up to when he saw a post about penises on a woman’s page. Michael Clarkson, 34, decided to explain the difficulties he had peeing into a cup on… Continue reading Local Man Explains Penises To Local Woman Who Had One For 45 Years
This week, Tennessee lawmakers advanced a bill that aims to require businesses to notify customers if it allows a “member of either biological sex to use any public restroom.” What Say You?
Trans Athletes have been allowed to participate in the Olympics for the past 17 years. Although no trans women athletes have yet to actually participate in the Olympics, the damage their inclusion has caused will take years to recover from. “Did you know zero trans athletes have won medals so far? We just feel that’s… Continue reading Olympics Still Reiling from Inclusion of Trans Athletes