News Shorts · Science

Trans Woman: “Being Trans Is Least Interesting Thing About Me.” Scientists: “Not So Fast.”

Smith also likes the smell of rain

BURLINGTON, VT–After saying something that she thought to be profound, a local woman has found herself refuted by science. Trans Woman, Ashley Smith, stated on social media that, “Being trans is the least interesting thing about me.”

Two hours later, her statement was refuted by a scientist who had submitted her findings to the prestigious journal, Nature under the title “Back To The Basic: Trans Woman Also Boring”

“What Smith says is patently falsifiable. There is literally nothing interesting about her besides her trans-ness,” said Dr. Louise Cole of Northwestern University. “We conducted in depth reading of her social media profiles and interviewed former and present colleagues, friends, and family, and they paint a picture of a tediously boring person.

“I am offended,” Smith responded.

“This is no value judgement here. What Smith is is a basic white girl. Her favorite show is Gossip Girl and 90 Day Fiance. Her Twitter page is mostly inspirational quotes from various movies that she has never seen and therefore doesn’t know are not real. When she goes on vacation every two years, she goes to New York City and sees Wicked on Broadway.”

“I just like the story.”

“Her favorite book is The Da Vinci Code, which is, incidentally, the last book she finished reading.”

“Okay, that one is true.”

Dr. Cole continued, “Her culinary preferences are sincerely pedestrian; her favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate and she even declines mix-ins at Cold Stone Creamery. When she goes for sushi, she only eats California rolls and gives the wasabi to her friends.”

“I really don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“And these are not slights against her; sometimes boring is good. And not even that being trans is bad. But really, we can see from these examples that, in this case, the most interesting thing about Ashley Smith is that she is transgender.”

“That’s not fair!”

Dr. Cole sighed and opened a spreadsheet on her laptop. “When she goes to New York City, she goes to the T.G.I. Friday’s at Times Square. It’s her favorite restaurant.”

“I just like knowing what the menu will be,” she said.