In a groundbreaking move to cure all societal ills, Nebraska’s Governor Pillen has signed a law that will ban all treatments for gender dysphoria in the Midwest. The legislation, dubbed the “Just Pick a Side Already Act,” is the brainchild of the governor’s personal council of wizards, who assured him that this was the fastest… Continue reading Nebraska Does Something Terrible To Trans People, Again
WASHINGTON D.C. — A journalist, while having lunch with a colleague, scrolled through his personal cloud-based storage collection of 1.23 terabytes of transgender pornography, narrating what he saw. Wednesday, Jesse Señalar, 40, insisted his transphobic writings are justified with the perversions portrayed in his personal pornography collection. Señalar, who works as a “journalist” who primarily… Continue reading Journalist Justifies Transphobia With His Weird Ass Porn Collection
JEFFERSON CITY, MO–A long and contentious debate in the Missouri House of ended with a partisan vote to adopt a measure that appears to ban puberty for all individuals under the age of 25. House Member Jason Bean, who has nothing suspicious in his Google search history, introduced the bill to widespread condemnation. However, an… Continue reading Missouri Moves to Ban Puberty for Individuals Under 25
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Following the lack of speed with which the “Don’t Say Gay” bill has driven all of those nasty gays and trans-ies out of existence (or at least out of state), Gov. Ron Desantis and the Florida Department of Education are pleased to provide the following guidance to all Florida schools. Schools are… Continue reading BREAKING: Governor Ron DeSantis Provides Guidence To Florida School Districts On “Those Kids”
You know Cara Cunningham. You love her. You may remember her from the cinematic masterpiece “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE.” Well, Cara came out as trans and has begun her transition, and we couldn’t be happier for her! While coming out as trans is a huge accomplishment, and should be a moment of pride, we also know… Continue reading LGBTQ Community’s Preemptive Request: LEAVE CARA ALONE!
TOKYO–Facing increased scrutiny, the small group of transgender athletes from around the world competing in the 2021 Toykyo Olympics come together to solidify their plans: Patience. These elite athletes plan to bide their time until they can utterly dominate the Olympics. The specifics of the timeline, from decades to hundreds of years, remains under wraps… Continue reading OLYMPIC SPECIAL: Trans Athletes Bide Time Until Utter Domination!
BURLINGTON, VT–After saying something that she thought to be profound, a local woman has found herself refuted by science. Trans Woman, Ashley Smith, stated on social media that, “Being trans is the least interesting thing about me.” Two hours later, her statement was refuted by a scientist who had submitted her findings to the prestigious… Continue reading Trans Woman: “Being Trans Is Least Interesting Thing About Me.” Scientists: “Not So Fast.”
Transgender Neo-Nazi Taylor Parker-Dipeppe pleaded guilty last year to federal charges over his involvement in a harassment campaign, however a judge has let him loose because “he’s suffered enough.” What Say You?
WAUKESHA, WI–Impressing himself and his roommate, local man Jake Hartely remembered to take his testosterone shot on time for the first time in two years. “I used to inject T every Sunday morning on the dot. Sometimes, I could feel my T levels dipping the day before the shot, and I’d feel like shit. But… Continue reading Local Man Remembers To Take Testosterone
DARBY, MT–In the wake of several mass shootings in a short period of time, the gun control conversation is happening and conservatives are NOT happy! According to conservatives everywhere, the government is coming for their guns, but like, for real this time? Local gun owner Brock Novack has had enough of the federal tyranny. “The… Continue reading “Taking My Guns is an Authoritarian Overstep,” says Republican Who Wants to Legislate Where People Can and Can’t Pee
