WASHINGTON DC–After three years of research, Queer Coded’s own investigative reporter and lesbian Samantha Mollins has finally released her bombshell report: girls pretty. “I was surprised when the conclusion of all my work fit into two words myself,” Mollins mused. “But then I thought about it for a while, and then I thought about it… Continue reading Lesbian Investigative Reporter Releases Bombshell Report: Girls Pretty
SHERMAN OAKS, CA – Honestly, 2022 has been pretty boring for Sherman Oaks lesbian Cameron Hillman. Sure, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, but after two years even THAT gets boring. Hillman works in sales from home, and the excitement of having free time quickly turned to boredom after so many baked goods… Continue reading Local Lesbian Becomes a “Snake Gay.”
MEMPHIS, TN– Terry McKinnon, local wine mom and Instagram user, has filed a suit against her parents for 42 years ago vaccinating her against measles, polio, and a host of other diseases commonly vaccinated against as a child. “I mean, I love my parents, but I can’t let this slide!” Says McKinnon, while rearranging her… Continue reading Anti-Vaxxer Sues Parents for Vaccinating Her Against Polio As a Child
STERLING, IL– Local lawyer and CNN junkie Laura Ashland is in a state of confusion. After days of the news hyping up a possible confrontation between the US and Russia over Ukraine, the topic has been seemingly completely dropped in favor of Justice Breyer’s impending retirement. “We’ve had days, DAYS, of being told Russia is… Continue reading Wait, Are We Going to War With Russia Or Not?
SEATTLE, WA- The right wing theory of the trans agenda, a supposed plan beginning with trans acceptance and leading to various catastrophic social consequences, has been dealt a fatal blow by the discovery of Emily Jones, a trans woman with absolutely no plans whatsoever. “I mean, I prefer to take things one day at a… Continue reading Trans Agenda Disproved: Local Trans Woman Has No Plans About Anything Whatsoever
Tucker Carlson’s fury of the androgynous redesign of the Brown and Green M&M’s reportedly goes deeper than his normal performative rage, leading into a revealing look of the twisted chocolate-induced sex practices of the Fox News host.
TULSA, OK–Local trans guy Matt Theman laments the Omicron surge in his area and around the world as only he can. “Of course it’s awful, and needs to end, if for no other reason but that I need to have top surgery.” “Like, when ever I see idiots without masks, I want to scream at… Continue reading Covid Needs to End So I Can Finally Get My Tits Removed
JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING — Joan Horowitz woke up the morning of January 7th like she did every other morning before that one. She opened her eyes, turned off her alarm, and, squinting from the sun in the windows, rolled over to greet her furry little friends. What she saw would change the world forever. Joan’s… Continue reading Local Woman “Literally Dead” After Witnessing Cats Being Cute.
FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA – “It wasn’t looking good for the first few minutes,” said local gay man Anton Larchmont of the new teams on The Amazing Race, which premiered last night. Larchmont reported that when he first turned on the program he felt fear. Pure fear. What if this year’s Amazing Race was ALL hetero??… Continue reading Local Gay Man Relieved “Amazing Race” Features a Cool, Queer Couple
WAUSAU, WI– The question on everyone’s lips is what is in the pants of local non-binary firebrand Praxis Jones. And the answer is, to what should not be much of a surprise, it’s a Colt 45. “Be the change in the world you want to see,” says Jones, who sports long, purple hair, a coat… Continue reading We Found Out What’s In This Enby’s Pants — It’s a Gun