movies · Pop Culture

Local Woman Wonders When “Power of the Dog” Gets Gay.

Not even close to sex

HOLLYWOOD, CA–Tonight is the Night! The Oscars! The ACADEMY AWARDS!

Local lesbian/movie fan Jessica Zhang wanted to watch a few Best Picture contenders before the big night, and, as a member of the LGBTQ community, she had heard Power of the Dog described as a “gay Cowboy movie.”

“That sounds awesome,” said Zhang, who had just heard Sam Elliott’s negative comments about the movie on Marc Maron’s podcast. Zhang continued, “I mean, the film was too gay for Sam Elliott. I love things that are too gay. I can’t wait!”

Three hours have passed since Zhang started the film. We followed up with Zhang, who was still seated in front of her television…waiting. The credits had long finished rolling, and Zhang was gazing blankly at the Netflix home screen.

She looked disappointed. Aghast.

When asked what she was waiting for, as the movie had ended 32 minutes ago, Zhang replied “I’m waiting for some gay shit to happen. I was promised gay shit. Where is my gay shit?”

Four hours after the movie ended, Zhang was still anxiously waiting for some sweet, gay action.

According to film experts, the film wasn’t so much a “gay movie,” as it was a “film with homosexual allusions.” The aforementioned experts also stress the “huge distinction” between the two, and caution LGBTQ cinema-goers to use discretion before entering a film expecting some steamy action.

At the time of reporting, the Power of the Dog doesn’t even include a little kissy-kiss, and maxes out at a seductively shared cigarette, scenes the LGBTQ community has overall called “kind of a tease.”

With one hour to go before the ceremony, Jessica Zhang is still on her couch, waiting, demanding “some gay shit.”