TOPEKA, KS–It’s not even the end of the school year, but teens are already looking forward to next year and a new trend is already emerging. With the bevy of numbing tragedies that face Americans every day, teens have jumped on a hot new trend: picking funeral outfits.
High School Junior Bethany Jessup browsed through tasteful dress suits. “It’s not like I want to die, but it’s nice to have a choice about something,” she said as her mother guided her gently away from the lighter colored to a somber, darker color selection. She is not alone; there are nearly 50 million students in public schools throughout America, any of whom may be stricken down from a random attack by a stranger with an overpowered assault weapon or perhaps killed by a preventable contagion.
The world is a dangerous place and it’s clear that there is nothing anyone will be doing about it. A sentiment echoed by Bethany’s mother, JoEllen Jessup.
“I worry,” she said while helping Bethany choose the outfit she might be buried in, “But it’s not like we can do anything about it. This is just the world we live in now. Next year my little one will start kindergarten. I’ll have to take him to get a suit, too. Just in case. They grow up so fast.”
At press time, Bethany had not chosen an outfit for her potential funeral, but had narrowed it down between two tasteful button downs, with her leaning toward a black item with silver buttons. “This one is a little big. Maybe I’ll grow into it before I die,” she said. “We can always take it in if not. My only hope is that if I get shot it’s not in the face; it would be a shame to waste this on a closed casket.”