TOLEDO, OH–Upon completion of years of dedicated research into the LGBTQ community in and around Toledo, Ohio, a local scientist announced their findings to a shocked group of their colleagues. Doctor Sam Gurak summed up their 100 page scientific report in two words,”Aiden sucks.” The findings were devastating and a complete surprise to the subject… Continue reading Report: Aiden Sucks
LONDON–A Gay Imam, a trans priest, and a lesbian rabbi walk into a school. It’s not a bar, but it’s a familiar enough premise. The question on everyone’s mind is, “What is the punchline?” “Oh, I know this one!” chimed in British student Laura Smith. “Turns out, there’s a drink named after one of them.… Continue reading Classic Joke Premise to Lead Workshops on Religion and Sexuality
SALT LAKE CITY, UT–Reminding players that, yes, this game was still coming out eventually, Avalanche Studios announced a surprising addition to the game Hogwarts Legacy, an MMORPG. A spokeswoman for the studio announced that after working closely with author J.K. Rowling, they would be adding a new house to Hogwarts, the House of TERF, in… Continue reading WOW: Hogwarts Legacy Adds Mysterious Fifth “House Of TERF” To Game
AURORA, IL–Signalling to other LGBTQ people is a longstanding tradition within that community, and such signals can range from explicit to subtle. When local lesbian, Trinity Benner, noticed a co-worker had gotten a haircut featuring a side-shave, Benner determined that this may signal a fellow LGBTQ co-worker. Or it could not. “At first I was… Continue reading Report: New Haircut Possibly Signals LGBT Coworker. Or Not.
SMITHVILLE, TN–During a show, Kid Rock had an tantrum on stage, which ended with a homophobic slur. Nobody in the audience appeared surprised. “Yeah, that seems pretty on brand for him. I’m not even sure how this is news,” commented local gay man Evan Rodriguez whose brother dragged him to the show. The rock and… Continue reading BREAKING: Kid Rock Yells Homophobic Slur During Show, Surprising Nobody
LUFKIN, TX–A local Texas bakery made headlines for their pride month cookies, and not just because the cookies were adorable and delicious. Confections Bakery in Lufkin Texas posted photos of the rainbow heart cookies on their social media pages with the message “More LOVE. Less hate. Happy Pride to all our LGBTQ friends! All lovers… Continue reading Spite Spending: The New Economic Trend In The LGBTQ Community.
LONDON–Iconic luxury fashion house Jimmy Choo has announced a collaboration with actor and activist Billy Porter to offer a new line of shoes. The iconic silhouettes come with bold colors and animal print in extended sizes to champion both of their goals of inclusivity and start at $650 US a pair. The luxury Jimmy Choo… Continue reading Billy Porter, Jimmy Choo, Offer Range Of Shoes In Extended Sizes, Prices
SILICON VALLEY, CA – It’s June and we know what month that is! Queer Capitalist Pride Month! It’s the month where harmful, exploitative corporations pander to the LGBTQ+ community by slapping a rainbow on their products and sponsored ads! While there’s a lot of dialogue out there regarding the problematic intersection of capitalism and Pride,… Continue reading 5 Ways For Corporations To ACTUALLY Help LGBTQ+ People
Santa Monica, CA – Recently, country music has become the genre most associated with conservatives, white people, and other heterosexual nonsense. That’s why local queer person, Jordie Asher, listens to their favorite song, “Cowboy Take Me Away” by The Chicks, in the comfort of their own hybrid vehicle (windows up). “I’m not even a big… Continue reading Queer Leftist Listens to Country Song Quietly; Avoids Being Perceived as Republican
BLOOMINGTON, IN–If there are a themes about the newest generation of video game consoles, it’s that they are hard to find in stock and they are quite expensive. However, some enterprising gamers have made a discovery that will allow them to get the system of their dreams even faster: blood plasma is worth some big… Continue reading DEAL ALERT: Blood Plasma’s Going For Some Good Money Lately
