Politics

Tough on Crime Conservatives Furious at Kyle Rittenhouse’s Acqui- JK, lmao, Can You Imagine?

KENOSHA, WI- Across the country, conservatives who have built a platform of being tough on crime were shocked and infuriated at the acquittal of Kyle Rittenhouse on all cou- haha, just joking, of course they weren’t. What are they? People who actually care about the stuff they say they believe in? “I’ve always said strict… Continue reading Tough on Crime Conservatives Furious at Kyle Rittenhouse’s Acqui- JK, lmao, Can You Imagine?

Lifestyle · Psychology

Everyone Convinced Lesbian Couple Just Friends, Including Lesbian Couple

AUSTIN, TX–Sources have confirmed that absolutely everyone around Sophie McMath and Alexa Portillo, a lesbian couple in a long-term relationship, are convinced the two are just friends, including Sophie McMath and Alexa Portillo.  “Well, obviously I’m attracted to her,” said Alexa of Sophie, the woman she is unaware of having been in a lesbian relationship… Continue reading Everyone Convinced Lesbian Couple Just Friends, Including Lesbian Couple

News Shorts

Cisgender Expo Unveils Newest Absolute Nonsense Trans People Have To Take Seriously 


WASHINGTON, D.C.–Trans people across the world let out a collective sigh this week as the Cisgender Expo in Washington D.C. revealed the latest absolute nonsense they have to take completely seriously now. The yearly conference for people who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth has served as a space to debut and… Continue reading Cisgender Expo Unveils Newest Absolute Nonsense Trans People Have To Take Seriously 


Lifestyle · Pop Culture

“You Don’t Have To Make Everything Gay,” Says Het, Cis Man

SAN ANTONIO, TX–In yet another example of the internet spreading misinformation, cisgender and heterosexual Twitter user “@Coolgamer6327” claimed Monday that gay people “don’t have to make everything gay”, demonstrating his blissful unawareness of the Curse. LGBT community leaders responded to the tweet by staring wistfully into the distance, mournfully recalling the days when they too… Continue reading “You Don’t Have To Make Everything Gay,” Says Het, Cis Man