MEMPHIS, TN– Terry McKinnon, local wine mom and Instagram user, has filed a suit against her parents for 42 years ago vaccinating her against measles, polio, and a host of other diseases commonly vaccinated against as a child.
“I mean, I love my parents, but I can’t let this slide!” Says McKinnon, while rearranging her healing crystals around. “How could they do this to me? Why couldn’t they love me enough to just let me get Measles and Polio?”
“Polio’s not that bad, really. Anything else you’ve heard is just propaganda. It’s nothing some essential oils and colloidal silver can’t cure.” She continued, lighting several aroma therapy candles.
“It’s my body, my choice right? I didn’t consent to any of that! I have no idea why the government would allow this infringement on my bodily autonomy as a child! Can you imagine what kind of side effects I’ve had to deal with as a result against these atrocities? I mean, I’ve always been really healthy, nothing worse than a common cold. But can you imagine how much even healthier I would be, if I had not gotten these vaccinations?”
We reached out to Beverly Johansson, McKinnon’s elderly mother, for a statement. “We love our daughter, but she’s fruitier and loopier than the cereal. We don’t know what she hopes to get out of this; it’s not like her father and I have any money. We hope this anti-vax fad lasts as long as her attempt to learn to paint, fish, or any other thing she picked up and discarded a week later.”
McKinnon has also sued the doctor who administered the vaccines, the nurses on staff that day, and also the receptionist and janitorial staff as well. She also attempted to serve Jonas Salk, but then was astonished to learn he is dead.