Health · Psychology · Science

Local Woman “Literally Dead” After Witnessing Cats Being Cute.

The last thing you’ll ever see

JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING — Joan Horowitz woke up the morning of January 7th like she did every other morning before that one. She opened her eyes, turned off her alarm, and, squinting from the sun in the windows, rolled over to greet her furry little friends.

What she saw would change the world forever.

Joan’s cats, Tony and Lenny, an orange and silver tabby, respectively, were snuggled up, in the sunshine….licking each other’s heads. Surrounded by a beam of light, Lenny ran his adorable, little sandpaper-tongue over Tony’s precious, little fuzzy widdle forehead! Tony purred. Loudly.

It was cute. It was adorable.

It was absolutely deadly.

Upon viewing the cuteness of her cats licking each other’s cute, round, tangerine-shaped heads, Joan snapped a photo of them and sent it to her best friend, Carly Blank. The photo, which was reported to be “ridiculously precious” was captioned “omg so cute I’m literally dead.”

Carly never heard from Joan ever again.

Joan was pronounced dead at the scene at 9:57 AM, Pacific time. Scientists are still trying to figure out what exactly led to a moment of cuteness to LITERALLY kill her.

“It’s unfortunately not the first time we have seen an incident such as this, where the deceased witnessed something so cute they are literally dead from the encounter,” said Dr. Sue Kendall, who has a PhD in Cute Little Pink Noses. “Upon viewing the absolutely adorable sight of two little kitty-cats loving on each other, it appears the brain simply can’t process that much cuteness,” explained Dr. Kendall. “The whole thing just shuts down and you’re like, omg, literally dead.”

A memorial for Horowitz will be held at a time later this week, yet to be determined. In lieu of flowers, the Horowitz family is asking that you donate to your local animal shelter, but to not look any of the cute animals in the eye.