Are COVID Vaccine Passports A “License To Fuck”?

CHICAGO–Sharing a desire to return to normal, in some communities vaccinations are now seen as a way to re-enter the dating and casual sex scenes. Some partners are asking for evidence of vaccination, begging the question, “Are vaccinations licenses to fuck?”

Nathan Price, a resident of Boystown, Chicago’s famed gay neighborhood, has seen an uptick in the number of “matches” on the dating app Grindr with photos showing proof of vaccination, but “it’s finally like, the world has opened up, and so has the opportunity to get laid.”

Casey Wallace, a spokesperson for a local community health clinic, has warned against treating COVID vaccinations as passports to sexual intimacy, “Listen, I’m ready to get out there and get fucked into next year as much as the next person, but really you should also get a thorough STI screen before you emerge from the hellish landscape of your apartment complex.”

She elaborated, “It’s quite possible to be able to enjoy safer proximity to partners who have not been vaccinated, however that would rely upon a vigorous testing schedule, but we all have a responsibility to work towards herd immunity. If you have partners who are skeptical or against vaccination, you can use your presence in their life to encourage them to do good.” Wallace scrolled through her calendar schedule and lists of partners and metamours, “I definitely have no compunction about using this pussy as a way to encourage potential girlfriends and theyfriends to get vaccinated.”

Price, for his part, agrees on the importance of safer sex procedures, though he admits it’s hard to not just simply enjoy being near other people in the community. “It’s like, we’re sharing air again, and I guess that’s hot now. I don’t know what it is, but over the past year I’ve gotten this thing for lips. I just haven’t seen any of them in person in so long.”