News Shorts

“LGBT-Free” Town Now Wants To Be Super Gay

KRASNIK– A Polish town that went “LGBT-Free” almost a year ago, is reversing course and declaring it’s desire to become “super gay”, after international backlash. “We were wrong; please stop boycotting us,” says a desperate Mayor who has seen international blowback threaten to bankrupt his turn.

Mayor Wojciech Wilk, seen recently about town in a pink ostrich boa, laments initially going along with anti-gay sentiment in Poland. “Turns out, the rest of Europe is really gay, and they have a whole lot more money than us. We would like the money. If this means allowing gays, we will have to abide.”

“The young people are also leaving us in droves,” adds Mayor Wilk as he pins several more pins onto his jacket. “It turns out, we kind of need them. They’re pretty gay too, in fact, not that I anymore see anything wrong with that.”

Krasnik has announced having it’s first ever Pride parade this summer. So far no actually queer residents of the town have committed to attending, as they are still too scared to be out in public. Instead, they have found several ducks believed to be gay to march down the street with local business owners trying to attract foreign investment again.