Packers are one of life’s greatest pleasures for the trans masculine community. I don’t mean the Packers, like the football team. But these they might just play better than what we got last season, am I right?
For many trans men and non-binary people, having a bulge in your pants is not just comfortable, it’s absolutely necessary. However, packers you can buy online or in specialty shops, while possibly more “accurate” looking, are often loaded with toxic chemicals and can be difficult to choose and super expensive. So, we here at Queer coded believe in the environment, and the budgets and health of our readers.
8: Yellow Squash!
First off, is the humble yellow squash. Won’t get all squishy like a banana down the pants, and later you can use it for a nice soup.
7: Cute Cucumber!
A cucumber down the pants is a classic (or an old cliche), but it has impressive abilities to increase confidence, sexiness, and even possibly your ability to drive.
For those still getting used to packers might want to stay with the pickling varieties, whose smaller size makes them more wieldy. But feel free to experiment with the full sized ones as well; it’s your bulge.
6: Red Potato
Don’t you want to put a potato down your pants? You’re not Irish? I get it. But just look at this.
Obviously, it can be difficult to find an appropriately shaped potato, which is why it is not higher on the list. But the humble tuber, when in the right formation, will make for a formidable bulge.
This Japanese variety of radish has a pleasant, mild flavor and is best raw and lightly pickled. But wait to pickle it until after you use it for it’s unintended purpose,
It also makes a great makeshift prosthetic phallus. It’s large size might make it seem daunting at first, but it can easily be whittled down to the right shape and size, and you can use the leftovers as a garnish on a salad.
4: Grey Squash
This smaller cousin of zucchini is more practical for packing. It has a slightly more bulbous end perfect for keeping it inside of a harness. It’s a good intro veggie for just starting off with packing.
Plus, it tastes delicious, lightly sauteed with garlic and rosemary.
This lovely specimen might need to be pruned a bit before using. Unless you want that spray of leaves coming out from the tip, it’s your choice! You are the Richie Rich of your phallic radish.
Can also use it for horseradish sauce later.
This carrot comes with it’s own merkin! ’nuff said.
1: Sweet Potato
Was it FedEx that said? “When you absolutely, positively got to intimidate everyone in the room, accept no substitutes.” No. Someone else. Probably.
But just look at this thicc, vein-y sweet potato. You know you want this in your pants, right?