News Shorts · Politics

TERFs Object to Women Being Categorized As People

Diagram of a Popular TERF

LONDON–Despite widespread attacks on reproductive justice, a raging global pandemic, and a rising ocean, Gender Critical women across the world remain committed to fighting the real atrocity of our times. They will not allow their pregnant cisters to be referred to as people.

After the US Supreme Court voted to uphold a draconian Texas law banning abortion after six weeks before most people know they are pregnant, proud Trans Exclusive Radical Feminists sprang into action. Within hours, dozens of articles decried the barbaric practice of categorizing pregnant women as people.

“We have come too far as women to be lumped back into the human race,” said a prominent British author who wished to remain anonymously hidden in a pile of money. “Women are not people! Women are ethereal beings who pop out babies! If we start calling women people, then humans will come after our precious uteri! Then where will we store our fetuses!?”

But TERFs fight for more than divorcing women from humanity. For decades, these brave souls have fought for women to be defined entirely by their ability to give birth, rather than their hopes, dreams, or actual identity. Unfortunately, the growing trans movement is distracting from this important work with their entitled demands to use the bathroom without being assaulted, access health care, play sports.

“It’s disgusting,” says anime Twitter profile picture, Abigail Bridgerton, 48, “how are women supposed to access resources without knowing the exact genitals of everyone in eyeshot. What if someone’s genitals don’t match their appearance? Sometimes I have to stare at a crotch for up to twenty minutes just to figure out if there are no-no genitals in there. It’s very uncomfortable for only me.”

According to Bridgerton, it all begins with word choice. “When we use the term “pregnant people” instead of “women”, we start on the slippery slope of censorship. Soon we won’t even be able to say “women”, just like we can’t say “Merry Christmas” or “I’m just asking questions.” We might have to start acknowledging different experiences or our own bigotry. As women, not people, we cannot allow that to happen.”

Even some trans-inclusive feminists see her point. “Look, I don’t want to be the same species as JK Rowling either,” said one such p*rson, “now please get out of my apartment.”

Still, some decry this noble work. One in-your-face activist who blatantly rode the bus with facial hair and a purse took out one earbud and told reporters: “I mean, sometimes men have a uterus and not all women do. Sometimes they do but can’t give birth for whatever reason. It’s not really anyone’s business. This is my stop.”