News Shorts

Tennessee Stands Up To Backlash For Recent Anti-Trans Laws

Bill Lee, Noted Asshole

NASHVILLE–Following Governor Bill Lee’s signature of controversial House Bill 1182 (SB 1224), the state has the attention of a powerful enemy: the transgender community. TransUnion 234 has announced their intentions to turn against Tennessee with a boycott, among other actions.

The latest anti-transgender bill was the fourth discriminatory piece of legislation signed by Governor Lee this session, following SB 228 (an anti-transgender sports ban), SB 1229 (a sweeping anti-LGBTQ education bill), and HB 1233 (anti-transgender student bathroom bill).

Given the number of laws introduced and signed into law by the state, the noted, powerful transgender lobby, have decided to boycott the state. Even though transgender people were found to be twice as likely to be in poverty as the typical American.

“I’m scared,” honestly, said one Republican who sponsored the latest legislation. He immediately failed a lie detector test he was taking for unrelated reasons. “Transgender Americans are among the most powerful people in the entire world! They own our SiriusXM radios, after all!”

He went on, “I am in no way exploiting people’s misunderstanding for votes,” he said and the polygraph operator shook his head.

For his part, Governor Lee is unafraid of the boycott. Or anything else that could possibly happen.

“Let them not come here. We dare not have them infect our precious bodily fluids when they pee into our sanitation systems with their hormones. What are they going to do? Get mad on Twitter?” This belied his colleagues position that trans people were powerful, which in general is known as the Schrodinger’s Backlash.

When asked about the reason for the law, the idea that a transgender woman would assault a cisgender woman in the restroom, Lee could not cite an example, however “I know is that this will not be used against the non-transgendered. I mean. How could it?”