Lifestyle · Sports

NASCAR Makes All Cars Turn Right in Nod to Conservative Fans

INDIANAPOLIS, IN–In an attempt to reconnect to a flagging fan-base and declining revenue, NASCAR has prepared made a fundamental change to the sport, literally turning everything around. In the past, cars have made left turns in circles throughout the races. However, starting in 2024, cars will be made to turn right in order to appeal to the sport’s key demographic: conservatives.

“This might cost us millions of dollars, as all cars are engineered to go counter clockwise around the track, but I think this is the kind of change that our audience needs and will help us grow through the coming decades,” said NASCAR spokesman, Richard Trickle. “We need to anticipate this kind of change int he market.”

The move has been called into question by some, who say that the infrastructure change on its own could bankrupt some smaller racetracks. However, some say that the move could provide unexpected benefits. Senate candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz (R-PA/NJ) said, “We’ve all woken up with uncomfortable pains from time to time, and the repeated craning motion of audiences to watch the far left corner could possibly cause muscle strain. I bet, with fundamentally changing the sport, we can even out those muscles, leading to healthier outcomes and, with some special supplements, perhaps, significant weight loss.”

Those comments could not be confirmed before press time.