SALT LAKE CITY, UT–In a surprising but welcome turn, Republican Governor Spencer Cox of Utah, vetoed a law banning trans athletes from competing in girls’ sports. Cox believes the bill needlessly targets youth who already had to live in Utah. “The dead-eyed freaks of this burned wasteland elected me to mitigate the pain of living… Continue reading Governor Vetos Anti-Trans Law, Claims Living In Utah Already Oppressive
BLACKSBURG, VA – You hear cries of unfairness all the time! “Trans people are ruining sports!” Or rather, trans women. For SOME REASON, nobody seems to care about trans men in men’s sports, but that’s an issue for a different day! The goal of any sport is to be the best…unless you’re trans, in which… Continue reading “Trans People Are So Sensitive” Says Athlete Who Cried After Losing Literal Game.
DES MOINES, IOWA – Although most of the response has surrounded its effects on trans students and athletes, the recent Iowa bill which bans trans women from women’s sporting events has further controversial content. An amendment, added in the Senate and reconciled after the House passed it, establishes for the first time that dogs cannot… Continue reading Iowa Trans Athlete Ban Also Says Dogs Can’t Play Basketball
JACKSONVILLE, FL–Floundering in his single preseason game appearance, the former quarterback turned broadcaster turned baseball player turned some-other-position-on-a-football-team, Tim Tebow has been released by the Jacksonville Jaguars. When interviewed about his supposed favorite football player, God suggested that maybe Tebow should have taken the hint a few years back. “You see, I don’t pay much… Continue reading Jacksonville Jaguars Cut Tim Tebow, God Refuses To Help Him
TALLAHASSEE, FL- Citing unfair biological advantages, Tallahassee dork, Mildred Van Snoot has petitioned the state legislature to ban coordinated students from competitive sports. “My daughter has missed out on important athletic scholarships, scholarships that would have changed her life, based solely on her inability to run in a straight line, throw a ball, or stand… Continue reading Dweeb Moves to Ban Athletes From Competition
LAS VEGAS–Logging into on social media throughout the world, NFL fans around the nation filled comment sections on news articles about how much they do not care. Carl Nassib is reportedly the first active player in the NFL to come out as gay, and fans responded with a sigh. “I’m a straight man and I… Continue reading NFL Player Comes Out As Gay, Fans Claim They Don’t Care
SACRAMENTO, CA–Seeking the rush of breaking records that has evaded her for 45 years, Caitlyn Jenner has begun an all-out assault on harming her fellow transgender people, seeing them as an important wedge issue to play to a Republican base that will not vote for her because she is also transgender. She also wants a… Continue reading Jenner Looks To Add Gold Medal Of Awful To Collection
LITTLE ROCK, AR–Nikki Jackson, 9, of Springfield had been following the Mili Hernandez incident–where an 8 year old girl was accused of “being a boy” during a soccer tournament and removed from the game–when she had an idea. She decided she would use her parents’ and coach’s fear to win their soccer tournament. She said… Continue reading Breaking: Youth Soccer Player Exploits Gender Loophole For Victory
Trans Athletes have been allowed to participate in the Olympics for the past 17 years. Although no trans women athletes have yet to actually participate in the Olympics, the damage their inclusion has caused will take years to recover from. “Did you know zero trans athletes have won medals so far? We just feel that’s… Continue reading Olympics Still Reiling from Inclusion of Trans Athletes
LONDON- Get your remotes out, for a report on the health and wellness of cis gender individuals is set to air next Thursday evening at 9 p.m. It will feature a panel of various experts and personalities to address subjects such as medical and psychiatric needs of non-transgender people, along with other hot topics such… Continue reading BBC to Host Panel on Cis Gender Individuals
