Buy More Short-Sleaved Hawaiian Shirts: An Attire Guide for the Discerning Trans Masc

1. Don’t buy any more dark colored hoodies
You don’t need more, trust me. You already have too many. You have so many it’s actually starting to be a problem and we’re kind of worried.

Cable & X-force

2. You do need more Pockets
Our trans sisters didn’t sacrifice clothing with pockets for us to go without sufficient pockets ourselves. Honor them by wearing as many pickers as possible until you look like Cable from X-Men.

3. Don’t get rid of all your girl clothes
At least the goth ones. Goth guys can wear skirts, you know. And Harry Styles, he pulls it off well. Feel free to dress more like Harry.

4. Your binder isn’t tight enough
If you don’t feel like you need the jaws of life to take off your binder after 8 hours you’re not doing it right. [Please, please, please bind responsibly, because you can’t be stylish if you can’t breathe. – Ed]

5. No clip on ties
C’mon, there’s videos on how to tie ties. It’s not even that hard, trust me.

6. You can wear floral patterns
Who the fuck looked at flowers, which have both male and female parts, have thorns, can sometimes kill people, and said, “This is an exclusively female thing”? Also, I want to know where I can buy Venus fly-trap floral patterns because that would be awesome.

7. You don’t have enough shoes
Don’t do the lazy guy thing if wearing the same shoes every day. Be better than that.

8. Dry cleaners are amazing
Who has time to iron? Outsource that shit.

9. Find your inspiration
You need someone off whom you can model your style. My inspiration is Jeff Goldblum.

10. Don’t be safe
If you’re not making transphobic idiots on the bus upset, you’re doing it wrong
You gotta be fly as fuck to piss them off. Otherwise, what’s the point?