News Shorts

Manufacturers Begin Producing Half-Length Flag Staffs

Half-length Flag Pole [Artist Rendition]

PITTSBURGH, PA–Seeing that mass shootings and assorted murders would continue to be a part of American life, several flag pole manufacturers have decided to adapt. Starting in April, the manufacturers would start producing half-length flag poles.

Recent mass murder events in the United States have prompted President Biden to order flags lowered to half-staff throughout the country. These have caused a spike in consumer demand from gun manufacturers, but that isn’t the only industry adapting.

On Wednesday, The Staff Concern–a trade lobbying group for flagpole manufacturers–issued a press release that stated, “Quite plainly, after the recent spate of mass shootings, it appears that American flags are destined to only fly at half-staff for the foreseeable future. We expect this to continue, and so to save on manufacturing costs and to reduce costs to our customers, the members of the Staff Association will begin offering half-length flag staffs.”

“While we, of course, are saddened by these tragedies that happens unexpectedly and with a stunning regularity, It just makes sense from a material perspective,” said Fredrick Johnson, spokesman for The Staff Concern. “This is a win/win for the consumer as well; no longer will they need to own as much rope or airspace for the old-style pole. Additionally, with the regular low-height pole, users will see less wear on the flag itself, which will reduce the need for costly replacement when Old Glory is tattered.”
“It’s a cutthroat industry and industry we’re always thinking ahead, innovating. Did you know an upstart virtual flagpole company raised 34 million in venture capital last quarter?”

Some critics have said that a half-length flagpole misses the point, while others point to the fact that then these half-length staff poles would just then necessitate lowering the flag to what would be quarter staff. “If that turns out to be true then our manufacturers are prepared to offer a quarter length pole. And, of course, we’ll continue exporting full length poles to countries without such issues.”