War On Christmas: I Only Remember The Names of Two Reindeer

ARLINGTON, VA–Well, it looks like the leftists have won this round of The War On Christmas, folks.


Christmas was, at one point, an extremely popular holiday in the United States of America. But apparently, those days are over. In a shocking upset for the once well-known and widely celebrated event, I can only remember the names of two reindeer.



Santa Claus used to have lots of reindeer. At least five or six. But I guess those were too problematic for the liberal elite who controls our society today. Maybe they think it’s wrong to force reindeer to fly just to deliver a few presents. Maybe they were mad that none of the reindeer were trans people of color. Whatever their transgression was, I personally can only remember two of them now: Blitzen and Rudolph.



Wait a second. Was Bashful a reindeer? That kind of sounds like a reindeer, but it also kind of sounds like it could be something else. If Bashful is a reindeer, that’s three that have been saved from the wrath of the secular left. If not, it’s just two.



This is, above all, a failure of our institutions. Leftists have designed society such that at no point in my entire life did I ever take the time to learn the names of any other of Santa’s reindeer. And if I didn’t bother, I can’t imagine that anyone else did. That information is totally gone now. A whole American tradition, erased.


Probably. I’m not gonna look it up or anything.