By The Numbers · Sports

Trans Community Goes “Yay” then “Oh, Crap”

AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND- The transgender community around the world is simultaneously celebrating and girding whatever loins they have preparing for backlash as the first transgender woman qualifies for the Olympics. Laurel Hubbard, a world class weight-lifter, holds the weight of the entire transgender community on her shoulders.

“It’s exciting, certainly, but I’m getting ready to block the hell out of people on social media,” said Molly Reiser, a local trans woman and weight lifting afficianato we spoke with. “I’ve got my medical articles on the effects of feminizing hormones over the long term all geared up and ready to go, let’s just see how bad it is.”

“I know TERFs are already practicing weeping and gnashing of teeth for the media, so we have to be prepared,” added trans activist Ashley Sparkles. “It can be a teaching moment. Trans people have been allowed at the Olympics since the early 2000s, and this is the only one in 20 years who has made it in. Hardly a ‘they’ll dominate women’s sports’ moment. And they got in on a technicality! For NEW ZEALAND. I mean, is that even a real country?? Has anyone ever actually been there?”

“Can’t we have one good thing?” Asked local trans masc Aiden Harding. “Like, we don’t get a break on anything. A trans person does well publicly and that gets turned into a bad thing. A study on how transitioning benefits us gets turned into justification for anti-trans laws. I’m waiting for the first trans woman to get an Oscar and everyone says well that proves men are better actors.”

Local enby Xander Anderson adds, “I wonder when they’ll get bored of us like they did with gay marriage. I do feel sorry for whoever is the next punching bag will be, but I need a break. Maybe they’ll learn that all people should be treated with respect regardless of who they are. Or they can go after people who want to be cats or something. They deserve it.”