Lifestyle · News Shorts

This National Coming Out Day, American Queers Stayed Inside En Masse

A Gay, Celebrating

Not but just a few years ago, the LGBTQ Community had to hide who they were at all times. But now, we have a multitude of holidays that appeared to pop up out of nowhere for the sake of a Facebook post, such as the recently celebrated “Non-Binary Day” and yesterday, National Coming Out Day! Look at us! FEAST YOUR EYES upon us!

But not every member of our beautiful community has a desire to always be seen.

Introverted Queers around the world reveled in the fact that this year, National Coming Out Day coincided with Indigenous People’s Day (fka Columbus Doo-Doo Head Day), meaning the community got to enjoy the day off to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Equality is here, and it means hiding by CHOICE!

“I’m relieved,” said local bisexual and socially-anxious Anne Cromwell, who spent the day watching the Leslie Jones reboot of Supermarket Sweep. Cromwell continued, “It’s a little too chilly for my friends to do a beach day like they do on other Mondays off, and the pandemic still happening means I can still say ‘no’ to gay bars indoors and have it be socially acceptable, so this really turned out to be the best holiday ever.” Cromwell spoke from within her couch cushions, into which she had figuratively melted while she nibbled on fresh-cut strawberries.

When asked if she planned to incorporate any LGBTQ media into their day, Cromwell replied “probably not. I mean, Supermarket Sweep is pretty gay, as we tend to dominate game shows in general. I’ve got two seasons to cheer on my community during the $100,000 Super Sweep. Quietly.”