Area Man Has, Like, The Saddest Dream Ever

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DES MOINES, IA–Awaking to the crushing realization that even the best dreams are nightmares in disguise and there is no hope even in those hours of blissful slumber, 43-year-old Robert Forrester of Des Moines woke up last night to what most officials are calling the saddest dream ever and left him sobbing on the side of the bed, his wife Beth unable to console him.

“I am just sad. I dreamed that I was this robot child orphaned in space and whenever I tried to wake up someone from their cryo-sleep, they would go mad and rush out the air-lock, eventually leaving me alone in the vast empty space between galaxies,” said Forrester, whose wife was not packing the children’s bags so they could have an unplanned visit her mother for a long weekend, but merely was hoping for a little “space.”

The mention of the word “space” made Robert spiral out into a deep depression. “I realize now that even our closest relationships are just biding time until we’re dead, we all die alone, and that we’re just biding time until our time is out, trying to make something meaningful out of one more day but that’s not possible it never was possible and everything from art to war to love is a comic farce for some sadistic idiot god.”

At press time, Beth was totally planning to come back and try to work out things with Robert, but he really really just needed to get to the doctor and refill his prescription for anti-depressants.