News Shorts

Matt Walsh Totally Wanted to see Elliott Page’s Breasts

Matt Walsh, noted conservative firebrand, Podcaster and Grover look-alike, is drawing attention for his recent tweet about openly trans actor Elliot Page. In the currently trending tweet, Walsh writes, “It should be illegal for doctors to amputate the body parts of a physically healthy person.”

“I mean, what is the point of getting rid of perfectly good breasts?” Walsh continues, lamenting the demise of two lumps of fat he was unlikely to ever see. “Why does the left want to destroy everything good in the universe?”

“I mean, if I woke up tomorrow with breasts, I think I would be quite pleased. Wouldn’t you? Breasts are fantastic. We should be worshipping them.” Walsh, who recently got into an argument with the Irish Embassy over Twitter, continued on this line of thought for a while.

“I wonder what they did with them. The doctors, I mean. Seems like a total waste. I wonder what they felt like, before the surgery, you know? I know they couldn’t have been all that big but I’m sure they felt great.” Added Mr. Walsh, who also spends a lot of his time on Twitter complaining about The Bachelor.

Matt Walsh says he’s also against trans women having breast enlargement surgery, but he doesn’t sound quite as convinced in that regards. “Breasts are a thing of beauty, and meant for men to be gazing at. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. The left are the ones that are sick, not me.”

Walsh, who doesn’t even turn up first when searched in Google, was last seen groping a silicone breast implant in one hand. In the other hand he was well leafing through a Playboy from the 1960’s, which was the last of women actually being women as he said.

We reached out to Page for comments, but he was too busy trying on short-sleeve Hawaiian shirts and tank tops to respond.