Holidays · Opinion

I’m Sick of Tacky Holiday Engagements Unless You’re Gay, in Which Case OMG CONGRATS LOVE IT!

Christmas engagement ring
A cliche

Seriously? A Christmas engagement? That’s so tacky! An engagement is supposed to be a special, unique moment for the couple. I don’t understand why you would pick such an unoriginal day to pop the question! There is zero sense behind this heteronormative need to propose on what’s already the most popular holiday in America.

Could you BE anymore cliche?

Could you BE…

…wait hold up! Is that Lars proposing to Michael under a mistletoe? Am I witnessing a cute, GAY proposal on my Facebook timeline? OMG! CONGRATS! What a cute photo in their matching pajamas. Wow, I’m going to cry! They are so cute together and I am so happy for them! So glad we worked that event in 2011 together! Best friends for life! More of this please!

Anyway, as I was saying! It’s like every straight, Midwestern couple gets engaged at Christmas or New Years. We get it, you’re high school sweethearts and you waited until the least unique moment to pop the question after 12 mediocre years together! You think we care? I barely know you! It’s to the point where I’m going to have to mute engaged people from my Facebook timeline. An engagement ring shouldn’t just be one of many presents, it should be… 

Shut the front door! Did Maria just ask Dana to marry her? Oh MY GOD! SO happy for them! Omg look at their little Santa hats! Such a cute queer couple! THIS is what the season is about! Heart reacts only!

Oh, also cisgender, straight Jessica and cisgender, straight Jacob from synagogue got engaged? Gross. Who cares?

But I digress. If there’s anything worse than the overdone Christmas engagement, it’s the Christmas pregnancy announcement. We GET IT, you had hot Memorial Day sex, or whatever one is in September, maybe it’s Labor Day. And now you have to post a dumb photo of the ultrasound with Christmas decorations around it like you think you’re the first straight couple to do that? Grow up. I’m so sick of seeing these…

IS THAT AN ULTRASOUND OF KATE AND MAYA’S baby?! They’re pregnant?! Oh my god that is the CUTEST thing I’ve ever seen! And look at how they got a tiny little Santa stocking to announce the coming of this gay baby! I know I only met Maya at a party one time in 2009, but we’ve been Facebook friends ever since and I’m SO happy she and her wife are having a baby! They’re perfect together! I think…I actually never met Kate. They’ll make great parents probably! You love to see it!

I am so happy for all of the LGBTQ couples out there and nobody else!