Fashion · Music · Pop Culture

BREAKING: Country Music Super Gay Now

If there is one thing gay people definitely aren’t watching, it’s the CMA awards. This year, that’s unfortunate, because at the Country Music Awards featured a VERY IMPORTANT GAY KISS last week. And that kiss changed EVERYTHING, we guess! 

Here’s what went down at Wednesday’s ceremony: T.J. Osborne, of the Brothers Osborne, a band we JUST heard about and are now huge fans of (for the culture), publicly kissed his boyfriend before accepting his award for best vocal duo.

Yes, you read that correctly…two men kissed at the Country Music Awards, and then nothing negative happened! This can mean one thing and one thing only: COUNTRY IS GAY NOW. IT’S TIME TO MAKE IT EVEN GAYER.

“I’m so excited,” said soft-butch lesbian Julie Kent, standing outside of a Country Western apparel store. “Before Wednesday, I only wore denim in like…the dykey way, but now I get to explore denim in a cool, country way!” Kent also reports that her girlfriend, who is deathly afraid of horses, booked them riding lessons. “This is our culture now!”

LGBTQ Community members nation-wide are thrilled to finally make big, gay moves in a genre once reserved for the most conservative Americans. That being said, it’s important to note that this isn’t the first time “country culture” has crossed paths with “gay shit,” scientifically speaking.  

“Queer men have always enjoyed square dancing and country music,” said a local male bisexual. “It was a small, fringe group of gays, but we are excited to be mainstream now.”

If all goes according to plan, country music events will become 95% gay in the next 5 years alone. “The goal is to make it so that straight people will think twice about kissing their partner in public,” reports the CMA production team. “That’s when true equality will be achieved.” 

At the time of reporting, assless chaps are on backorder across all online retail platforms.