LONDON–Following efforts to get the UK public more involved with the government last week, including plans to consult the public regarding LGBT conversion therapy bans and issues such as the Gender Recognition Act, Prime Minister Boris Johnson intends to query the public on a pressing issue of national import. In the coming weeks, Johnson plans to consult the public on a key foreign policy: Does Scotland Exist?
Downing Street confirmed that there would be a public plebiscite on the existence of Scotland in the coming months. “We wish to ensure that the status–or lack thereof–of Scotland can be debated and addressed with the public while protecting those in the linguistic, religious, and geographic professions who insist that there is nothing north of Hadrian’s Wall.”
“I donna tae no Englishm’n seri’lee nowadae,” said Petey Heggie, a local Scot said, “fahk ’em.”
“We’ve been waiting for centuries for the UK to actually acknowledge the existence of Scotland,” Ambassador Gaalic Kleeshea said, “It’s been frustrating. Because many people in the UK do know about us, but just as many say that their priest says we’re not real, that we’re just leprechauns. Which is just insulting because that’s clearly Irish.”
Some also believe that the call for a public consultation could open dangerous loopholes. “I already have doctors claiming some of my conditions are related to me being Irish,” Kleeshea said, “Which, again, is highly insulting as I am not fahking Irish. But what can I do? The government needs to implement what the UN and nearly every country’s leaders have called for–an admittance that Scotland exists. Even if it is part of the United Kingdom for now.”
Some, however, remain unconvinced. Such as Catrin Davies, who grew up outside Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. “We’ve been told all our lives that this is a real country, but has anyone ever seen it? It’s not in the Bible, so obviously it cannot be real. It’s not even alluded to! We cannot be sure. It’s only reasonable to ask the peoples what they believe and act accordingly.”
So, for now, it appears that the people of England will have a chance to speak, again, about the policies of the government; as they always wisely have done.