News Shorts · Pop Culture

Beloved Comedian And Writer Dies, Was A Real Piece Of Shit

Just like most calls of “censorship,” this example is self-imposed and utterly useless.

OKALLA, PA–Following a lifetime of work and after his tragic demise at the hands crushed under a pile of frozen peas, the comedian Mark “Longitude” Lounge left fans with a vast catalogue of work spanning years. He also left behind a history of being a real piece of shit. 

“Wow, Mark,” said producer Kyle Burns, “Mark was hysterical. He showed up on time, always killed, and only occasionally assaulted other comedians physically and verbally. I miss the guy.”

Lounge had been performing stand-up comedy since 2005, when he got on stage for the first time on a bet from his then-girlfriend. “What the fuck are you talking to me about that piece of shit for,” she responded when she was asked about him. “Oh. He died! Oh my god that’s hilarious. That honestly makes my day. That man made my life a living hell. He still…fifteen years later…that fucker still called my jobs and tried to get me fired. Wait. How did you find out where I lived? He was, and always will be, a utter piece of shit.”

Despite his occasional abusive behavior, some in his scene kept booking him. “I really stay away from that kind of thing,” said Peter Dearth, producer of the On Dearth’s Door “No Hold’s Barred” Comedy Showcase. “Drama is just not really my thing. It’s really about the art for me. No room for that kind of thing in my room.”

“I never saw anything,” said Reese Klein. “I mean, if he was racist or something, but I never heard him say those kind of words.”

However, some in the local comedy scene disagreed, including a comedian who chose not to be identified for this piece because it might hurt his reputation. “That man straight up told me that he had to many people ‘like me’ on his shows. And that the room couldn’t handle more than one or two a year of people like me. I asked him what kind of people I was, and he told me that I was Mexican. I’m not Mexican. I’m Chinese; I don’t hide it. I tell jokes about being Chinese. What a fuckin’ piece of shit that guy was.”

Klein, when told about that exchange, immediately took Lounge’s side. “Oh, that dude. Yeah. Total drama queen. That’s comedy.”

Lounge’s influence stretched deep into the comedy scene in his small city. “He did exactly what we needed him to do. Though sometimes he could walk an audience. But those audiences were P.C. types, ya know. Women. Minorities. The bars didn’t like that, but fuck them. It’s an art, man. It’s an art. Like, his best joke was about…well, I can’t do it justice but it was about his penis. It’s great. The joke is, I mean.”

A memorial comedy show is being planned once a venue can be found that, in the words of Klein, “Can handle truth.”